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Some people think that the amount of noise people make have to be controlled strictly, others say that people are free to make as much as they wish. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that the amount of noise people make have to be controlled strictly, others say that people are free to make as much as they wish. v. 4
There is a controversial issue these days that whether government should introduce strict measures to restrict the effect of a large amount of fuss or not. While people have a right of producing noise as they want, I strongly argue that this could be limited for some reasons. On the one hand, it is understandable why people should be allowed to make as much noise as they want. Firstly, picking up a racket is sometimes considered a type of recreational activities. Indeed, singing or cheering for favourite football club are some evident examples, which could be an effective way to vent negative emotions and release citizens’ tremendous stress. Besides, thanks to the advancement of science and technology, people have found various ways to deal with unpleasant sound. Specifically, scientists have invented walls and windows that can block out the noise, which allows individuals to focus on their work without being disturbed. Therefore, it seems that there is no need for people to keep quiet. On the other hand, studies shown that a large amount of loud sounds can cause noise pollution, which are either harmful or annoying to humans and animals. First and foremost, too much din can lead to detrimental effects on physical and mental health. Therefore, residents living in noisy areas seem to be prone to such health problems, including sleep deprivation, hearing impairment and neurasthenic. Additionally, brouhaha can disturb people’s work or study. In other words, when people try to handle their tasks and the noise will interrupt their thoughts, then gives rise to inefficient work hours, leading to significant decrease in their productivity. In conclusion, despite the fact that creating noise can alleviate stress, I still convince that rumpus should be controlled in residential areas, because of its adverse influences on health and productivity.
There is a controversial issue these days that whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce strict measures to restrict the effect of a large amount of fuss or not. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a right of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they want, I
strongly
argue that this could
be limited
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

On the one hand, it is understandable why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they want.
Firstly
, picking up a racket is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
considered a type of recreational activities.
Indeed
, singing or cheering for
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
football club are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evident examples, which could be an effective way to vent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions and release citizens’ tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Besides
, thanks to the advancement of science and technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have found various ways to deal with unpleasant sound.
Specifically
, scientists have invented walls and windows that can block out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
individuals to focus on their work without
being disturbed
.
Therefore
, it seems that there is no need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
quiet.

On the other hand
, studies shown that a large amount of loud sounds can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
pollution, which are either harmful or annoying to humans and animals.
First
and foremost, too much din can lead to detrimental effects on physical and mental health.
Therefore
, residents living in noisy areas seem to be prone to such health problems, including sleep deprivation, hearing impairment and neurasthenic.
Additionally
, brouhaha can disturb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
work or study.
In other words
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to handle their tasks and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
will interrupt their thoughts, then gives rise to inefficient work hours, leading to significant decrease in their productivity.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
can alleviate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, I
still
convince that rumpus should
be controlled
in residential areas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its adverse influences on health and productivity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the amount of noise people make have to be controlled strictly, others say that people are free to make as much as they wish. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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