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Some people say that the amount of noise that people make should be strictly controlled. Others say that people should be free to make as much noise as they wish. v.2

Some people say that the amount of noise that people make should be strictly controlled. Others say that people should be free to make as much noise as they wish. v. 2
Throughout the twenty-first century have been increasing the population of people, due to countries tending for urban sprawl, and technology have been changing dramatically; thereby all these factors significantly increase the sound level that now named the noise pollution. Therefore, some people, especially the scientists, believe that quantity of noise necessary strict controlled; however, others have the opposite view. Overall, in my perspective, people should adjust the noise level because the scientists have proof that it leads to a more healthy life. To begin with, there are several reasons why the government should control the amount of noise produced. Firstly, scientists prove what all around the world suffer from noise pollution in the part of the sickness, therefore they want to adjust the level of loudness that diminish such problem. For example, Bali implements the day of silent when nothing works, and the scientists notice significant changes in this day in wildlife. Moreover, in Canada, for preserving some species of fish, the volunteers ask to create on ship less cacophony, because all loud destroy hearing that hinder navigation and hunt. Besides, people throughout the years, in megalopolises, more and more complain of headache and problem with hearing. Additionally, noise can disturb people’s work or study. For example, a university student will not be able to concentrate on his preparation for exams if his neighbours keep singing too loud. However, some people believe they can make as much noise as they want because of some reasons. First is people have different devices that loud sound, or they tend to make noise party. Therefore, in their opinion, restriction of noise level is touching such activities that are broken freedom of people in part "do that you want". Besides, on the surface of the problem with loud lie traffic congestion, there people create a lot of cacophony; therefore private vehicles undergo strict control too, and it leads to a trouble with the next liberty of people. For example, the ban on private cars leads to implement public transport that cuts the right of choice. To conclude, I think people around the world should understand the depth of the trouble, and unavoidable strict control of some type of noise in the future their and environment.
Throughout the twenty-
first
century have been increasing the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, due to countries tending for urban sprawl, and technology have been changing
dramatically
; thereby all these factors
significantly
increase the sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
named the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
pollution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
, believe that quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
necessary strict controlled;
however
, others have the opposite view.
Overall
, in my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should adjust the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
have proof that it leads to a more healthy life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should control the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
produced.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
prove what all around the world suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
pollution in the part of the sickness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
they want to adjust the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of loudness that diminish such problem.
For example
, Bali implements the day of silent when nothing works, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
notice significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in this day in wildlife.
Moreover
, in Canada, for preserving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species of fish, the volunteers ask to create on ship less cacophony,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all loud
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
hearing that hinder navigation and hunt.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the years, in megalopolises, more and more complain of headache and problem with hearing.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
can disturb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
work or study.
For example
, a university student will not be able to concentrate on his preparation for exams if his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
singing too loud.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
First
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
devices that loud sound, or they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
party.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, in their opinion, restriction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
is touching such activities that
are broken
freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in part
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
do that you want
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
Besides
, on the surface of the problem with loud lie traffic congestion, there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create
Possible agreement error. The noun cacophony seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of cacophonies".
a lot of cacophony
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
private vehicles undergo strict control too, and it leads to a trouble with the
next
liberty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, the ban on private cars leads to implement public transport that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
the right of choice.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world should understand the depth of the trouble, and unavoidable strict control of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
in the future their and environment.
26Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people say that the amount of noise that people make should be strictly controlled. Others say that people should be free to make as much noise as they wish. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
371 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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