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Some people say that the amount of noise that people make should be strictly controlled. Others say that people should be free to make as much noise as they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that the amount of noise that people make should be strictly controlled. Others say that people should be free to make as much noise as they wish. v. 1
It is argued that the noise made by people must be strictly controlled, while some say that people should be free to make as much noise as they want to. On some occasions people should not make noise, while in some situations it is up to the people. In my opinion, on some occasions noise is not acceptable and it must be strictly controlled. For example; at a funeral, people must try to observe silence, which is a sign of respect. Those who try to create disturbances at a funeral must be strictly controlled. Similarly, I would like to give an example of a library, where distrubances must not be tolerated. Some say people are free to make as much noise as they wish. Yes, there are occasions for it. For example; if people go to a music concert, they are free to make as much noise as possible, because it does not violate the rules of a music concert. Similarly, another example is; many people in India and Pakistan go to cricket stadiums to watch cricket, where there is no restriction on making noises. The people from Pakistan and India make as much noise as they wish, in order to enjoy themselves, which makes sense. They use various music instruments in cricket stadiums, which make the atmosphere very lively. In conclusion, people are free to make noise, but they should be mindful of the rules. There are some places where making noise is allowed, while it violates the rules at other places.
It
is argued
that the
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noise
made by
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
strictly
controlled, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that
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people
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
as
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much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they want to. On
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
, while in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations it is up to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In my opinion, on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions
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noise
is not acceptable and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
strictly
controlled. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
; at a funeral,
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to observe silence, which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of respect. Those who try to create disturbances at a funeral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
strictly
controlled.
Similarly
, I would like to give an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
of a library, where
Possible spelling mistake found.
distrubances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be tolerated
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say
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people
are
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free
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
as
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much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they wish. Yes, there are occasions for it. For
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example
; if
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people
go to a music concert, they are
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free
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as possible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not violate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of a music concert.
Similarly
, another
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example
is;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
in India and Pakistan go to cricket stadiums to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cricket, where there is no restriction on making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noises
. The
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people
from Pakistan and India
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make
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they wish, in order to enjoy themselves, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
sense. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
various music instruments in cricket stadiums, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the atmosphere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lively.

In conclusion
,
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people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should be mindful of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places where making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
, while it violates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
at other places.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the amount of noise that people make should be strictly controlled. Others say that people should be free to make as much noise as they wish. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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