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workers are most satisfied when they have many different types of tasks to do during the workday than when they do similar tasks all day long. v.1

workers are most satisfied when they have many different types of tasks to do during the workday than when they do similar tasks all day long. v. 1
In today's era, people's memory is worsening over the period of time. Despite of national initiatives and efforts to abate this growing dilemma, citizens' are still losing their mind power. In this essay, I will expound on the cause of this problem before providing some effective steps that could be taken to overcome these challenges. There are some blatant and obvious causes of this issue. To my mind, one of the most glaring concerns the dependency on technology. In general, people are using technology almost every day for their needs, even for simple solutions such as, using a calculator for solving mathematical problems and using global position system (GPS) while driving a car to the same places. As a result, their minds is not being actively involved in any mental activity, so they are developing this debilitating issue. This was the case for one of my acquaintances, Ben. Who used to use internet to finish his homework rather than using his brain to solve the question during his school years. Before he knew it, he developed an unknown mental disorder that hinders him to remember any event after a stipulated time. As to viable measures, I feel the most potent one would be to reduce the use of any technological gadgets for simple tasks. More specifically, we should start using our mind to remember future events and recall them accordingly. For instance, instead of using reminders in our phones, which reminds us to do certain task at a particular time, we should start using our brain memory to recall these data. This way, not only do we enhance our brain cell power, but it can maintain our memory power. I am not alone in this view, and some empirical evidence can be provided to support it. A 2007 study, for instance, conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Toronto found that those students who are using their brain to recall the classroom lectures have 90% higher grades than those students who are recording lectures with technology platforms. To sum up, I maintain that the overuse of technology in our daily lives is the main cause of this trend, and reducing technology dependency is the only way to solve this colossal issue.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's memory is worsening over the period of time.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
national initiatives and efforts to abate this growing dilemma, citizens' are
still
losing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
power. In this essay, I will expound on the cause of this problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective steps that could
be taken
to overcome these challenges.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
blatant and obvious causes of this issue. To my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
, one of the most glaring concerns the dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
In general
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
almost every day for their needs, even for simple solutions such as, using a calculator for solving mathematical problems and using global position system (GPS) while driving a car to the same places.
As a result
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
is not being
actively
involved in any mental activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are developing this debilitating issue. This was the case for one of my acquaintances, Ben.
“Who” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet to finish his homework
rather
than using his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
to solve the question during his school years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
he knew it, he developed an unknown mental disorder that hinders him to remember any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
after a stipulated time.

As to viable measures, I feel the most potent one would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of any technological gadgets for simple tasks. More
specifically
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
to remember future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and recall them
accordingly
.
For instance
,
instead
of using reminders in our phones, which reminds us to do certain task at a particular time, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
memory to recall these data. This way, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do we enhance our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
cell power,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can maintain our memory power. I am not alone in this view, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
empirical evidence can
be provided
to support it. A 2007 study,
for instance
, conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Toronto found that those students who are using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
to recall the classroom lectures have 90% higher grades than those students who are recording lectures with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
platforms.

To sum up, I maintain that the overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is the main cause of this trend, and reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
dependency is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to solve this colossal issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay workers are most satisfied when they have many different types of tasks to do during the workday than when they do similar tasks all day long. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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