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some people think that tecnnology is making new relationships. discuss advantages and dis advantages v.1

some people think that tecnnology is making new relationships. discuss advantages and dis advantages v. 1
With the advent of technology, social interaction of human has been changed drastically. with the advancement of computers and internet social values has been changed. on the one hand many believe this is a great achievement for establishing relationship while others believe that it has worse out come. This essay will discuss both aspects of this argument. It is felt that with advancement of technology world has become smaller. Now it is very convenient for people to make friendships on internet. It has a lot of advantages. Firstly, this way someone have a lot of exposure to world. It is beneficial for one to learn about different cultures with no expense. With friends from different culture can exchange their ideas and give them a lot of knowledge. secondly, this link on internet is very beneficial for students. For instance there are many study groups which help each other. It is a great resource of sharing study material. Same way there some professional groups which help to find appropriate jobs. Thirdly, sometimes people find good friends on face book and with time this turns to a strong relationship. This way there is diversity which is always better for society. It is easy to say why argument has a lot of support. At the same time some people feel that these internet created relationships have a lot of negative impacts. They validate their views with some solid reasons. For instance, sometimes these relationships destroy privacy of each other. Every one knows others status which can cause problems. Similarly due to this source of communication there is less tourism and this effects country, s economy. It is seen that there are a lot of fraud cases due to this relationship. Sometimes there are some criminal activities can happen. So it is very important to make friends who you know personally. So it is important not to make relationships on computers. In summary, new technology is an asset. It has pros and cons. It is recommended that if we use it for the improvement of life style, it is a blessing.
With the advent of technology, social interaction of human has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
drastically
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
the advancement of computers and internet social values has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the one hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe this is a great achievement for establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
while others believe that it has worse out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. This essay will discuss both aspects of this argument.

It
is felt
that with advancement of technology world has become smaller.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friendships on internet. It has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of advantages.
Firstly
, this way someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of exposure to world. It is beneficial for one to learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures with no expense. With friends from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture can exchange their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and give them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of knowledge.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, this link on internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for students.
For instance
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
study groups which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. It is a great resource of sharing study material. Same way there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professional groups which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to find appropriate jobs.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends on face book and with time this turns to a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. This way there is diversity which is always better for society. It is easy to say why argument has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of support.

At the same time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
Did you mean "this internet" or ""?
these internet
created
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. They validate their views with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solid reasons.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
privacy of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Every one knows others status which can cause problems.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
due to this source of communication there is less tourism and this effects country, s economy. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of fraud cases due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminal activities can happen.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends who you know
personally
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
on computers.

In summary, new technology is an asset. It has pros and cons. It
is recommended
that if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for the improvement of life style, it is a blessing.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that tecnnology is making new relationships. discuss advantages and dis advantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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