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Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. do you agree or disagree v.5

Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 5
Needless to emphasise, education is considered as the window to the outer world. However, whether the tertiary level education is accessible to everyone regardless of their financial status? A lion's share of society argues that both wealthy and needy people are facing difficulty in pursuing higher education. I strongly disagree with this notion and in this essay. Will support my opinion with examples. Indeed, University education required higher amount of tuition fee. It would not affordable for student who are from low-income background. For example, professional study courses such as engineering, Bsc nursing are demanding a large amount of admission fee as well as monthly tuition fee. It would not possible for many students from poor financial background to pay huge amount to seek higher education. Secondly, most of the universities are situated only in metropolitan cities. It is therefore hard for the pupil to access university education since they are residing in village or countryside. They have to spend a large amount of money for transportation and foster services. Moreover, these people wanted to leave their hometown and loved ones for a significant period of time. Hence it is difficult to follow higher-level education due to the lack of professional institution in smaller cities. On the other hand, some people believe that both rich and needy are struggling to get higher education due to strict entrance criteria such as examinations and interviews. However, there are more corruptions in validation of paper and it is possible for wealthy people to pay and get the enhance in their interested universities. In conclusion, although universities are keeping tough entrance examinations for admission, there are more corruptions in those criteria and the high educational fee and shortage of universities in smaller cities make difficult to avail tertiary level studies for pupil from low income status.
Needless to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is considered
as the window to the outer world.
However
, whether the tertiary level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is accessible to everyone regardless of their financial status? A lion's share of society argues that both wealthy and needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing difficulty in pursuing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I
strongly
disagree with this notion and in this essay. Will support my opinion with examples.

Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
required higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of tuition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
. It
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
would not affordable
for student who are from low-income background.
For example
, professional study courses such as engineering,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bsc
nursing are demanding a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
as well
as monthly tuition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
. It
The word 'possible' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
would not possible
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students from poor financial background to pay huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
to seek higher education.

Secondly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are situated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in metropolitan cities. It is
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the pupil to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
since they are residing in village or countryside. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money for transportation and foster services.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their hometown and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones for a significant period of time.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is difficult to follow higher-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
due to the lack of professional institution in smaller cities.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that both rich and needy are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
due to strict entrance criteria such as examinations and interviews.
However
, there are more corruptions in validation of paper and it is possible for wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pay and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'enhance' is correct. If 'enhance' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the enhance
in their interested universities.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are keeping tough entrance examinations for admission, there are more corruptions in those criteria and the high educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
and shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in smaller cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
difficult to avail tertiary level studies for pupil from low income status.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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