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Some people think that staying in hotels is not a good option to know about a country or its people. What do you think about this viewpoint? v.1

Some people think that staying in hotels is not a good option to know about a country or its people. What do you think about this viewpoint? v. 1
Some people, moreover who are considered born in millennial era, has a lack of desire and motivation to stay in the routines in their work nowadays, while others, people who aged 45 > above and are considered as baby boomers, still have the state mindset to stick into one expertise in a long time to have fixed salary and job promotion. For millennials, they tend to have plenty of energy. Thus, they are more impatient about advancement or moving. They are more open to flexible work schedule, but they aim to not having a long time of working hours and stay in one workplace for a long time. For example, based on my experiences, I moved my profession into one company to another, to gain progressive values and career development. I think that being stuck in one job and one company seems more boring than being flexible and can be able to perform remotely or in a shorter time as long as my task is completed. As for baby boomers, they relish long term work as they believe that commit in one workplace is better than hopping into another in a short time. For instance, my dad has been working in the same industry for more than 20 years. Also, a lot of my coworkers have been working in the same company for at least 4 years at a minimum. They don’t easily get bored if they have to work during long working hours. So, the conclusion is, these days, so many people, especially millennial can’t stay in the same job for a long time, but for others, as people who is considered as baby boomers, they still believe that working in the same job is better for them. Whatever the working ethics that people believe, we still have to work hard to pursue a better future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
moreover
who
are considered
born in millennial era, has a lack of desire and motivation to stay in the routines in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
nowadays, while others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who aged 45 > above and
are considered
as baby boomers,
still
have the state mindset to stick into one expertise in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
salary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
promotion.

For millennials, they tend to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of energy.
Thus
, they are more impatient about advancement or moving. They are more open to flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they aim to not having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and stay in one workplace for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, based on my experiences, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
my profession into one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to another, to gain progressive values and career development. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
being stuck
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
seems more boring than being flexible and can be able to perform
remotely
or in a shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
as my task
is completed
.

As for baby boomers, they relish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as they believe that commit in one workplace is better than hopping into another in a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, my dad has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the same industry for more than 20 years.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
my coworkers have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for at least 4 years at a minimum. They don’t
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the conclusion is, these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
millennial can’t stay in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for others, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
considered as baby boomers, they
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is better for them. Whatever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
ethics that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe, we
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to pursue a better future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that staying in hotels is not a good option to know about a country or its people. What do you think about this viewpoint? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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