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Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. v. 2
In the modern world, many people are willing to live in peace and quiet. In this regard, some individuals are keen to think that some types of sports involving violence, such as kick-boxing, martial arts and bare knuckle should be prohibited from the mass media as well as from the international competitions. It is true that these activities are beneficial for the well-being, if sportsmen follow the safety rules during the training process. In this sense, security is essential for the health of athletes. Furthermore, some citizens reckon to think that if these sports will be banned from the TV, it can lead to the negative outcomes, such as deterioration of the physical condition of the individuals. To illustrate, many people do sports because of its benefit for their health. As a result, these people may not do these activities, if they prohibited by the authorities. On the other hand, it is clear that many citizens have met the sports people, who offend them because of their physical strength. In this sense, these activities can lead to the minor crimes, if the people utilize their abilities for negative purposes, such as vandalism and kidnapping. Moreover, these changes can influence on the development of other types of sports. That is to say, due to the popularity of martial arts and boxing, many people interested in them. Accordingly, other types of activities, such as intellectual games are not well-developed. In this reason, prohibiting a boxing, can be beneficial for the chess and checkers. In conclusion, although some people are willing to ban some types of sports, because of their violence, others feel that this decision can lead to the negative outcomes. Personally, I believe that these exercises should not be banned, as they can benefit the health of many individuals.
In the modern world,
many
people
are willing to
live
in peace and quiet. In this regard,
some
individuals are keen to
think
that
some
types
of
sports
involving violence, such as kick-boxing, martial arts and bare knuckle should
be prohibited
from the mass media
as well
as from the international competitions.

It is true that these
activities
are beneficial for the well-being, if sportsmen follow the safety
rules
during the training process. In this sense, security is essential for the health of athletes.
Furthermore
,
some
citizens reckon to
think
that if these
sports
will
be banned
from the TV, it can lead to the
negative
outcomes, such as deterioration of the physical condition of the individuals. To illustrate,
many
people
do
sports
because
of its benefit for their health.
As a result
, these
people
may not do these
activities
, if they prohibited by the authorities.

On the
other
hand, it is
clear
that
many
citizens have met the
sports
people
, who offend them
because
of their physical strength. In this sense, these
activities
can lead to the minor crimes, if the
people
utilize their abilities for
negative
purposes, such as vandalism and kidnapping.
Moreover
, these
changes
can influence on the development of
other
types
of
sports
.
That is
to say, due to the popularity of martial arts and boxing,
many
people
interested in them.
Accordingly
,
other
types
of
activities
, such as intellectual games are not well-developed. In this reason, prohibiting a boxing, can be beneficial for the chess and checkers.

In conclusion
, although
some
people
are willing to ban
some
types
of
sports
,
because
of their violence, others feel that this decision can lead to the
negative
outcomes.
Personally
, I believe that these exercises should not
be banned
, as they can benefit the health of
many
individuals.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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