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Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. 5
It is clear that extreme sports are dangerous, so some people think the government should prohibit it. While Others argue that people have the right to do any kind of sports that they want. In my opinion, I believe people should have freedom to participate in any activities. There are some reasons why government should ban dangerous sports. First, since Extreme sports will leave a long lasting injuries on people physical health. Bones broken, for example, it will make people hard to move or do heavy jobs in the future, so the quality of life will reduce day by day. Moreover, Dangerous sports can cause mental illness. The most dangerous example is plant-life. People will be paralysed since their brain is damaged by collapsing while playing. This disease is likely to cause permanent affected, and the percentage of recovery is very low. Thus, government should consider about banning this kind of sport. Although extreme sports some time can be fatal, I still believe that players always are protected by producers and take many beneficial from extreme sports. First, nowadays, Companies who provide dangerous sports are more and more strictly about the procedures and protect equipments. For instance, jumping from a plane, players must have one professional coach to jump with them, and reject the person who under 18 to play. In addition, extreme sports can help players release stress effectively, so they can improve the productivity and creativity in the workplace. In conclusion, I believe with the development of equipment and severe disciplines nowadays, people are free to play dangerous sports without worrying about its' negative sides.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should prohibit it.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
Others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the right to do any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that they want. In my opinion, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have freedom to participate in any activities.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
First
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "injury"?
injuries
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
physical health. Bones broken,
for example
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
or do heavy jobs in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the quality of life will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
day by day.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can cause mental illness. The most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
example is plant-life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'paralysed' is British English.
paralysed
since their brain
is damaged
by collapsing while playing. This disease is likely to cause permanent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
, and the percentage of recovery is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Did you mean simply "consider banning"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about banning
this kind of sport.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time can be fatal, I
still
believe that players always
are protected
by producers and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beneficial from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
First
, nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
who provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are more and more
strictly
about the procedures and protect equipments.
For instance
, jumping from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
, players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have one professional coach to jump with them, and reject the person who under 18 to play.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
players release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
effectively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the productivity and creativity in the workplace.

In conclusion
, I believe with the development of equipment and severe disciplines nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are free to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
without worrying about
An apostrophe is never used to form possessive case pronouns. Did you mean: "its"?
its'
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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