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Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.6

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. 6
In recent years, the deaths and injuries associated with many dangerous sports are giving serious concern to the society. Some people, therefore, think that all extreme sports should be banned, and yet I would argue that people should have the rights to choose any sports. It sounds logical that a ban on all dangerous sporting activities is advisable despite the consequences. In fact, even when individuals are well-prepared and have all the right equipment to participate in these sports, the dangers are still present. This means that prohibiting all those sports can help prevent players from being seriously injured or having fatal consequences which are caused by these hidden dangers. In addition, many extreme sports such as boxing represent violence, which is very likely to encourage aggressive thoughts and behaviours of viewers, especially young children. However, banning these kinds of sports can place many athletes in the state of joblessness and therefore lead to several other social issues. Not only can allow people to freely participate in any sports solve unemployment issues, it can also increase social well-being. Firstly, several people have an innate talent for sports that are sometimes dangerous. Avoiding banning these sports could help create better employment opportunities not only for them, but also for employees in related industries like advertising. Second, the main purpose of playing sports, whether dangerous or not, is to have fun, recreation and entertainment. This may effectively help players or even audiences to release stress after hard work, thereby improving their productivity and giving a boost to the economy. In conclusion, while acknowledging the real risks, the right of individuals to take part in sports of their choice should be retained.
In recent years, the deaths and injuries associated with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are giving serious concern to the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
, and
yet
I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the rights to choose any sports.

It sounds logical that a ban on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
sporting activities is advisable despite the consequences. In fact, even when individuals are well-prepared and have all the right equipment to participate in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
are
still
present. This means that prohibiting all those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
players from being
seriously
injured or having fatal consequences which
are caused
by these hidden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as boxing represent violence, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely to encourage aggressive thoughts and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of viewers,
especially
young children.
However
, banning these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
athletes in the state of joblessness and
therefore
lead to several other social issues.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
freely
participate in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
solve unemployment issues, it can
also
increase social well-being.
Firstly
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an innate talent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
. Avoiding banning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
create better employment opportunities not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for employees in related industries like advertising. Second, the main purpose of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
or not, is to have fun, recreation and entertainment. This may
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
players or even audiences to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, thereby improving their productivity and giving a boost to the economy.

In conclusion
, while acknowledging the real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, the right of individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
of their choice should
be retained
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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