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Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that there are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.7

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that there are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 7
It is true that parties or functions are the best place to meet new people. However, while some believe that arranging parties are a waste of money, I agree with those who feel that parties are very important for communities and people. On the one hand, it could be argued that there are a few reasons why parties is just a waste of money. Firstly, in the past decades, people used to spend a limited amount on social gatherings, but now it got drastic change in spending. To illustrate just to show off their status and power, people are holding big lavish parties, which is a huge loss of money. Secondly, in olden days marriage parties used to be simple and with limited invites, where as nowadays it became huge because of societal pressure. For example, in a society if one member holds a most happening and stylish marriage party than it builds a some kind of pressure on other members to hold a same kind of marriage party or more than that. As a result, it leads to financial losses. On the other hand, I strongly believe that parties can be imperative for a number of reasons. To begin with, companies throw different kinds of parties for employees to build a team. For example, for starters, parties can make better teams, project kick-off parties are a good opportunity to break the ice and help team members to know each other better. Moreover, Victory parties create a sense of success and belongings. Furthermore, parties often leave good memories. From our own experiences, we all have happy memories of our birthday parties when we were little. Every family has great photos taken on family parties in their album. To conclude, although some think that holding parties is a waste of money because it creates a financial burden on families. Therefore, on balance I personally believe that conducting parties are good for memories and it also benefits the organization to build with a great team of business.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
or functions are the best place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that arranging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for communities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that there are a few reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Firstly
, in the past decades,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend a limited amount on social gatherings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in spending. To illustrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their status and power,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are holding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
, which is a huge loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Secondly
, in olden days marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be simple and with limited invites,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
nowadays it became huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of societal pressure.
For example
, in a society if one member holds a most happening and stylish marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
than it builds a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of pressure on other members to hold a same kind of marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
or more than that.
As a result
, it leads to financial losses.

On the other hand
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
can be imperative for a number of reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
throw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
for employees to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
For example
, for starters,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
, project kick-off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to break the ice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members to know each other better.
Moreover
, Victory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
create a sense of success and belongings.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memories. From our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences, we all have happy memories of our birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
when we were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
. Every family has great photos taken on family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
in their album.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates a financial burden on families.
Therefore
, on balance I
personally
believe that conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for memories and it
also
benefits the organization to build with a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
of business.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that there are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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