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Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 1
Throwing parties can be expensive. While some people do not find these fancy gatherings worth what they cost, others believe such events are important to both individuals and the society. People choose to throw parties for a number of reasons. For starters, they can make better teams. Project kick-off parties are good opportunities to break the ice and help team members to know each other better. Celebrating a victory create a sense of success and belonging. Companies do not see parties as wastes of money and allocate budget to support such events; moreover, they often leave good memories. From our own experiences, we all have happy memories of our birthday parties when we were little. Every family has great photos took at family gatherings in their album. In addition, contrary to what some people believe that spending on parties is a waste of social resources, they actually create value, either by employing people in the party-planning business or by offering people better experiences. The popularity of parties, however, causes some tension in the society. They are hard on introverted people who find themselves uncomfortable in the crowd. This is a clinic symptom which psychologists call it “social anxiety disorder”. There are other ways to celebrate important events that may have greater value for their cost. For instance, companies could send out gifts after successful projects and parents could take their children on family trips to celebrate birthdays. In my opinion, while a party is a form of social event that brings many benefits to individuals and the society, other choices should also be considered, either to cut spending or to relieve the stress of those who are not fond of crowded celebrations.
Throwing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
can be expensive. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not find these fancy gatherings worth what they cost, others believe such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to both individuals and the society.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
choose to throw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
for a number of reasons. For starters, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better teams. Project kick-off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunities to break the ice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
team members to know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
better. Celebrating a victory create a sense of success and belonging.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
as wastes of money and allocate budget to support such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
;
moreover
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memories. From our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences, we all have happy memories of our birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
when we were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
. Every family has great photos took at family gatherings in their album.
In addition
, contrary to what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
is a waste of social resources, they actually create value, either by employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the party-planning business or by offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better experiences.

The popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
,
however
, causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tension in the society. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on introverted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who find themselves uncomfortable in the crowd. This is a clinic symptom which psychologists call it “social anxiety disorder”. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to celebrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that may have greater value for their cost.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
out gifts after successful projects and parents could take their children on family trips to celebrate birthdays.

In my opinion, while a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
is a form of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
that brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to individuals and the society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
choices should
also
be considered
, either to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
spending or to relieve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of those who are not fond of crowded celebrations.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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