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Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that there are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.10

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that there are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 10
It is generally believed by a section of society that the expenditures on marriage functions, name day parties and other events are usually the wastage of earning. In contrary, it is thought by another section of the community that it plays a vital role for an each person in society. I strongly believe that being materialistic is not crucial for the individual, this essay will discuss the both arguments in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, nowadays, peoples are more indulged in show off or materialistic world. Which leads to financial trouble in families and stressed them to fulfil demands. For instance, a news agency reveals the data that 60% humans commit suicide due to the burden of debt, that has been taken for living a luxurious lifestyle. Moreover, most of the individual takes personal loan for family events, to make it grand function, but unfortunately, this trouble during repayment of that loan. On the other hand, living simple life and not spending much at the outdoor parties, brings the happiness to an individual and their family. For example, making arrangements on budget will not make the problem to a person. In addition, this approach would not cause any health issues such as depression or heart problems. It is generally observed that, the families, who spend money within the budget are more satisfied as compared to materialistic one. To conclude, spending money beyond limit for an individual would lead to detrimental effect. Although having celebrations in the family plays an important role, yet it should be planned within budget.
It is
generally
believed by a section of society that the expenditures on marriage functions, name day parties and other
events
are
usually
the wastage of earning. In contrary, it is
thought
by another section of the community that it plays a vital role for
an each
person in society. I
strongly
believe that being materialistic is not crucial for the
individual
, this essay will discuss the both arguments in subsequent paragraphs.

To commence with, nowadays, peoples are more indulged in
show
off or materialistic world. Which leads to financial trouble in
families
and
stressed
them to fulfil demands.
For instance
, a news agency reveals the data that 60% humans commit suicide due to the burden of debt, that has
been taken
for living a luxurious lifestyle.
Moreover
, most of the
individual
takes personal loan for
family
events
, to
make
it grand function,
but
unfortunately, this trouble during repayment of that loan.

On the other hand
, living simple life and not spending much at the outdoor parties, brings the happiness to an
individual
and their
family
.
For example
, making arrangements on budget will not
make
the problem to a person.
In addition
, this approach would not cause any health issues such as depression or heart problems. It is
generally
observed that, the
families
, who spend money within the budget are more satisfied as compared to materialistic one.

To conclude
, spending money beyond limit for an
individual
would lead to detrimental effect. Although having celebrations in the
family
plays an
important
role,
yet
it should
be planned
within budget.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that there are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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