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Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money, however, think that are necessary for individuals and society. Discuss. v.4

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money, however, think that are necessary for individuals and society. Discuss. v. 4
One of the most controversial issues today relates to some of communities have a unique opinion in performing occasions and wedding parties. And other people have different believing. Such as, my family does not prefer doing birthday parties. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view. On one side of the argument there are people who argue that the benefits of the relationships between society members will be more active approximately. For example, when some friends, create any parties for others, perhaps their friends are immegrating will come from other nearly cities. Considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is that the person is working in another place, probably come to participate his family in their party, like my aunt living in the USA but when we decide to make a wedding for her brother, what she doing? she thinks taking some days as a vacation, she is doing and coming in the Christmas holiday. It is also, possible to say that no one. One good illustration of this is my friend they have not parties in previous days, no parties exactly. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that in fact if some families have determined salaries, this issue dramatically difficult for them. For instance, the survey that I have read in 1991 at 49% some communities they have a few finance, they do not prefer several celebrations. People often have this opinion because. A second point is that no connection with families members because stress, financial. I have acceptable example, for this topic, my best friend does not call her friends when their birthday parties near. A particularly good example here is creating various excuses as a reason for no meeting family members. To sum up, as we have seen, there are no easy answers to this question. On balance, however, I tend to believe that my dear readers, if you have some friend having any occasion, in my opinion, it is possible to bring them an average gift not expensive but be attention if it is according to it hobbies or that they interesting with it.
One of the most controversial issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
relates to
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the communities") or simply say "some communities".
some of communities
have a unique opinion in performing occasions and wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
believing. Such as, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
does not prefer doing birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view.

On one side of the argument there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that the benefits of the relationships between society members will be more active approximately.
For example
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, create any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
for others, perhaps their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
immegrating
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nearly
cities.
Considerably
outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is that the person is working in another place,
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to participate his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
, like my aunt living in the USA
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when we decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a wedding for her brother,
Did you mean "what is she" or "what she is"?
what she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
doing
?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days as a vacation, she is doing and coming in the Christmas holiday. It is
also
, possible to say that no one. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
they have not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
in previous days, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
exactly.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that in fact if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have determined salaries, this issue
dramatically
difficult for them.
For instance
, the survey that I have read in 1991 at 49%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communities they have a
Possible agreement error. The noun finance seems to be countable; consider using: "few finances".
few finance
, they do not prefer several celebrations.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
. A second point is that no connection with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, financial. I have acceptable example, for this topic, my best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
does not call her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
when their birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
near. A
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example here is creating various excuses as a reason for no meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

To sum up, as we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, there are no easy answers to this question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that my dear readers, if you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
having any occasion, in my opinion, it is possible to bring them an average gift not expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
be attention if it is according to
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it hobbies
or that
Did you mean "they're interesting", "they are interesting", or "they were interesting"?
they interesting
with it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money, however, think that are necessary for individuals and society. Discuss. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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