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Some people think that social skills are as important as academic qualifications To what extend do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people think that social skills are as important as academic qualifications v. 2
Traditionally, academic qualifications are considered as an important factor to lead succeed for young people. However, nowadays, some people believe that qualifications are equally important as social skills. In my opinion, I agree completely with this point of view. Firstly, if you want to develop fully, you need enlarge your knowledge and sharpen your soft skill. When you apply into a company with good position, employer always require that candidates must have both high level education and expert skills. Thanks to skills which you gained, you can communicate fluency with everybody. As a result, you can finish your work easily by the aid of co-worker’s help. In addition, when you participate in outdoor activities, you can increase numerous of friends and improve your health. You will feel that you are a good citizen when you become a volunteer. Those are interested experiences that you possess when you are a young guy. By the contrast, if you only own knowledge, you will meet a large of number difficult things in your life. When you face a complicated problem in daily activities, you can prejudice and make a wrong judgment. Because you have not seen it reality, you will not know that how do you do in situation. On the other hand, you read a lot of books, you gained many knowledge, so you can waver between some solutions. And then, you will give a wrong decision and lead to failure. Besides, in your company, you find it difficult to get along with your partner and then, you will feel lonely and bored. In conclusion, I think knowledge is necessary for your job but social skills also play a vital role too. I think we need develop both two things parallel in other to achieve succeed.
Traditionally
, academic qualifications
are considered
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to lead succeed for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that qualifications are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
completely with this point of view.

Firstly
, if you want to develop
fully
, you need enlarge your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and sharpen your soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. When you apply into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position, employer always require that candidates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have both high level education and expert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which you gained, you can communicate fluency with everybody.
As a result
, you can finish your work
easily
by the aid of co-worker’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
In addition
, when you participate in outdoor activities, you can increase numerous of friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your health. You will feel that you are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen when you become a volunteer. Those
are interested
experiences that you possess when you are a young guy.

By the contrast, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a large of number difficult things in your life. When you face a complicated problem in daily activities, you can prejudice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
judgment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
you have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
it reality, you will not know that how do you do in situation.
On the other hand
, you read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
books, you gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can waver between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions. And then, you will give a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision and lead to failure.
Besides
, in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, you find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with your partner and then, you will feel lonely and bored.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is necessary for your job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
also
play a vital role too. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we need develop both two things parallel in other to achieve succeed.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that social skills are as important as academic qualifications v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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