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Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. v. 2
Social networking sites have been highlighted as an emerging issue, capturing significant public attention. Given the suggestion emphasizing negative implications, I partially agree. On the one hand, it is true that the usage of social networks could be fraught with many pitfalls. First, since users can customize their profiles on social networks based on their personal preferences, these fake profiles could be purposed for criminal purposes, posing as serious safety threats to coerced individuals. For example, dating app users, especially young ones could fall prey to sexual predators, masquerading as matching partners through fake profiles and portrait display images, thereby making victims susceptible to sexual battery or even homicide. Second, by using social network sites, users could contact, interact and intermingle with many other peers of different nationalities and cultures. This means that people’s vulnerability to the exposure and indoctrination to extremist beliefs and fundamentalist religions could ensue, increasing affected users’s tendencies to commit terrorism acts, doing serious harm to societies. On the other hand, social sites could have many benefits to justify the downsides. First, using online social networks is one of the most efficient and inexpensive ways to communicate and interact with others. Before the appearance of social websites, delivering a message from one location to another would require physical travels, costing unnecessary time, effort and money. From the societal perspective, due to social networking’s characteristic of wireless connection, many government and private funded educational programmes with qualified lecturers have been featured into many prevalent social networks such as Facebook and Instagram. Subsequently, individuals, especially those with little accessibility to educational institutions could be equipped with academic and practical knowledge and occupational skills for specific job specifications, making their increased employment prospects an inevitable product, ensuring the betterment of educated workforce for societies. In conclusion, I believe that social networks have both advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, it is individuals’ responsibility to manage the proper usage for their best interests.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking sites have
been highlighted
as an emerging issue, capturing significant public attention.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the suggestion emphasizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.

On the one hand, it is true that the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
could be fraught with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pitfalls.
First
, since users can customize their profiles on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
based on their personal preferences, these fake profiles could
be purposed
for criminal purposes, posing as serious safety threats to coerced individuals.
For example
, dating app users,
especially
young ones could fall prey to sexual predators, masquerading as matching partners through fake profiles and portrait display images, thereby making victims susceptible to sexual battery or even homicide. Second, by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
sites, users could contact, interact and intermingle with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other peers of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities and cultures. This means that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s vulnerability to the exposure and indoctrination to extremist beliefs and fundamentalist religions could ensue, increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
Did you mean "user’s" or "users’"?
users’s
tendencies to commit terrorism acts, doing serious harm to societies.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sites could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to justify the downsides.
First
, using online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
is one of the most efficient and inexpensive ways to communicate and interact with others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the appearance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites, delivering a message from one location to another would require physical travels, costing unnecessary time, effort and money. From the societal perspective, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking’s characteristic of wireless connection,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private funded educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
with qualified lecturers have
been featured
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prevalent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
such as Facebook and Instagram.
Subsequently
, individuals,
especially
those with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
accessibility to educational institutions could
be equipped
with academic and practical knowledge and occupational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for specific job specifications, making their increased employment prospects an inevitable product, ensuring the betterment of educated workforce for societies.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
have both advantages and disadvantages.
Additionally
, it is individuals’ responsibility to manage the proper usage for their best interests.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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