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Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. v. 1
While some people believe that zoos play an important role in protecting wild animals, others feel that keeping animals locked up in such places is cruel and unnecessary. Personally, I agree with the idea that animals should not be kept in zoos and that zoos should be shut down. On the one hand, many people feel that zoos are useful in some regards. Firstly, zoos can help to preserve endangered animals by keeping them safe from poachers and other threats, such as habitat destruction and the spread of urbanisation. Some zoos also run breeding programs in order to try and increase the numbers of some endangered species to avoid them becoming extinct. Secondly, by keeping animals in zoos, people can learn and understand more about them and this can help to raise awareness amongst the public in order to help preserve certain species. However, while the abovementioned ideas may be true to a certain extent, I believe that zoos are unnecessary for the following reasons. To begin with, zoos can only hold small numbers of animals and therefore cannot protect the large majority of species from being hunted or their habitats from being destroyed. I believe it is the responsibility of each government to create and fund conservation programs that help to stop the destruction of the habitats of endangered species so that animals can live in their natural state rather than be locked up in cages for their entire life. Furthermore, in many zoos, animals are being mistreated as they are often provided with insufficient food and medical care, which has so far caused many animals in zoos to die because of starvation and diseases. In conclusion, though some zoos may have some positive impacts on the conservation of some certain animal species, overall, I think they are cruel places and do more harm than good.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that zoos play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, others feel that keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
locked up in such places is cruel and unnecessary.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos and that zoos should
be shut
down.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that zoos are useful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regards.
Firstly
, zoos can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to preserve endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by keeping them safe from poachers and other threats, such as habitat destruction and the spread of
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
zoos
also
run breeding programs in order to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
increase the numbers of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
endangered species to avoid them becoming extinct.
Secondly
, by keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can learn and understand more about them and this can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to raise awareness amongst the public in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
preserve certain species.

However
, while the
Possible spelling mistake found.
abovementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
may be true to a certain extent, I believe that zoos are unnecessary for the following reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, zoos can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
therefore
cannot protect the large majority of species from
being hunted
or their habitats from being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
. I believe it is the responsibility of each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to create and fund conservation programs that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the destruction of the habitats of endangered species
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their natural state
rather
than
be locked
up in cages for their entire life.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
zoos,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
being mistreated
as they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
provided with insufficient food and medical care, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of starvation and diseases.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
zoos may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on the conservation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species,
overall
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are cruel places and do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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