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it is common thet people change thier locations more freqently than in the past. what are the reasons? is it positive or negative development? v.2

it is common thet people change thier locations more freqently than in the past. what are the reasons? is it positive or negative development? v. 2
Nowadays, the relationship between one nation to another nation has been getting stronger than before. It is argued that trade and cultural contact are improving tremendously among them, whilst others think that this movement will ruin their own national identities in many ways. This essay will discuss both points of view. Owing to contact with neighbouring nations, the economic growth of that country will increase significantly. This is because, the import and export of goods are made possible when maintain a fair relationship between countries. Moreover, the culture contact also plays an indispensable role when adapting new customs, beliefs, and culture through which the social interaction will certainly improve when embrace them. For instance, many regions are trying to copy the western style of culture, food, clothing, faith or religion and so on. Others, on the other hand, this phenomenon seriously ruin their countries real national identities. When people migrate to other countries, they may sometimes lose the exact sense of patriotism and nationalism. This is because, there is more chance to accustom the new culture and tradition and consequently, the importance of their parent nations identity will decline gradually. For instance, the vast number of refugees follow the new national identity, if they reach a new nation such as, the UK, Canada and so on. To conclude, although the relationship between countries that ensures enormous economic development and opportunities, I believe that it will adversely impact on own nations identity. Thus, the authority should implement new laws and programmes in order to preserve parent countries identity.
Nowadays, the relationship between one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
has been getting stronger than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. It
is argued
that trade and cultural contact are improving
tremendously
among them, whilst others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this movement will ruin their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identities
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. This essay will discuss both points of view.

Owing to contact with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, the economic growth of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will increase
significantly
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the import and export of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are made
possible when maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
contact
also
plays an indispensable role when adapting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
customs, beliefs, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
through which the social interaction will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
when embrace them.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions are trying to copy the western style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, food, clothing, faith or religion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Others,
on the other hand
, this phenomenon
seriously
ruin their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
real national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identities
. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
migrate to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lose the exact sense of patriotism and nationalism. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, there is more chance to accustom the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition and
consequently
, the importance of their parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
will decline
gradually
.
For instance
, the vast number of refugees follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
, if they reach a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
such as, the UK, Canada and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

To conclude
, although the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that ensures enormous economic development and opportunities, I believe that it will
adversely
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "nations'" or "nation's"?
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
.
Thus
, the authority should implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
laws and
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
in order to preserve parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay it is common thet people change thier locations more freqently than in the past. what are the reasons? is it positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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