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In some rich countries, the number of children at secondary or high school who are taking science subjects in declining. What effect might this have on the children’s and their countries’ futures? How can children be encouraged to study science? v.2

In some rich countries, the number of children at secondary or high school who are taking science subjects in declining. What effect might this have on the children’s and their countries’ futures? How can children be encouraged to study science? v. 2
Science has been a prevalent subject over recent years due to the advent of advanced technology. However, some rich countries see a decline in the number of children who study science subjects during their secondary education. In the following essays, the consequence of this scenario and other opinions about this situation would be elaborated. The decrease in the number of children who engage in science subjects would lead to serious implications on the children. This is due to the fact that science is a dominant industry in the modern society, which represents that people who take part in science-related work would be provided with great treatment and prospect. If children are unwilling to study the subject with respect to the science, they would probably lose great opportunities of having a successful and satisfying career. To demonstrate, people who study science subjects often have access to renowned corporations, and live a content life with abundant salary. In addition, the diminishing of the number of children taking science subject would bring about repercussion to their countries as well. The improvement of the technology which provides considerable advantages for human lives is attributed to the theory of science. If there is scarce people in the future job market, the development of technology would stagnate or even curtail. In this case, people may not experience convenience satisfaction of life. To remedy this unpalatable circumstance, it is imperative that children should be motivated to study science. A measure can be done that the educators have responsibility to impart the importance of science to the children at school. For instance, teachers should be commissioned to convey the modern technology is originated from the science. By way of conclusion, as argued above, I firmly believe that children should be encouraged to engage in science subjects because science could bring forward the technology which could lead more content life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
has been a prevalent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
over recent years due to the advent of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a decline in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
during their secondary education. In the following essays, the consequence of this scenario and other opinions about this situation would
be elaborated
.

The decrease in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would lead to serious implications on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is a dominant industry in the modern society, which represents that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in science-related work would
be provided
with great treatment and prospect. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are unwilling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
with respect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, they would
probably
lose great opportunities of having a successful and satisfying career. To demonstrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have access to renowned corporations, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a content life with abundant salary.

In addition
, the diminishing of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
would bring about repercussion to their countries
as well
. The improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which provides considerable advantages for human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is attributed
to the theory of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. If there is scarce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future job market, the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
would stagnate or even curtail.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not experience convenience satisfaction of life.

To remedy this unpalatable circumstance, it is imperative that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. A measure can
be done
that the educators have responsibility to impart the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at school.
For instance
, teachers should
be commissioned
to convey the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is originated
from the science.

By way of conclusion, as argued above, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
could bring forward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which could lead more content life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some rich countries, the number of children at secondary or high school who are taking science subjects in declining. What effect might this have on the children’s and their countries’ futures? How can children be encouraged to study science? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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