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Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.5

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 5
It is a controversial issue as to whether finding aliens in different spaces by sending text would bring a positive response, or, whether those different forms of creatures would provide calamities in the world. From my perspective, in this modern era of continual development of science and technology, it is just to invite the outer space's lives who could help human beings in many ways rather than destroying us. To begin with, researchers think that it can be dangerous to send messages in the space due to the alien's unexpected rude attitude. Despite that, they are continually sending hints to space such as Mars, Saturn, and the moon, believing that they would get a response one day. For example, in 1969, Neil Armstrong went to the moon in search of any life forms, though he was unable to find. Since then, many developed countries have tried incessantly, they neither think those aliens could destroy the world, nor expect those life forms' attitude towards human beings. Considering that if they had found such deformed creatures, it would save people on the earth. On the other hand, scientists undoubtedly believe that aliens are stronger, intelligent creature than human beings. These days, people are suffering from natural calamities, diseases, pollution, and global warming. As the characters of aliens are powerful, this nature could help to reduce all these calamities of the world. Moreover, the outer space, animals, for instance, might provide a better environment for us to live in this earth. This is because they have super power and talent to implement any tasks in a facile manner. Therefore, if scientists deliver any sign to aliens if would take to them as a positive response. In conclusion, the authority of space inventor reckons that providing hints to the outer world may prove a disaster, as we are unknown to them, while a group of other researchers think opposite like saving humanity, decreasing natural catastrophe, and pollutants from ambience, curing fatal, diseases, et Cetra. For that reason, in my opinion, the aliens would bring positive signs instead of negative remarks.
It is a controversial issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aliens
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
by sending text would bring a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
response, or, whether those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of creatures would provide calamities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. From my perspective, in this modern era of continual development of science and technology, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to invite the outer space's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
who could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
human beings in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways
rather
than destroying us.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
due to the alien's unexpected rude attitude. Despite that, they are
continually
sending hints to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
such as Mars, Saturn, and the moon, believing that they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a response one day.
For example
, in 1969, Neil Armstrong went to the moon in search of any life forms, though he was unable to find. Since then,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have tried
incessantly
, they neither
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aliens
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, nor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
those life forms' attitude towards human beings. Considering that if they had found such deformed creatures, it would save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the earth.

On the other hand
, scientists
undoubtedly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aliens
are stronger, intelligent creature than human beings. These days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are suffering from natural calamities, diseases, pollution, and global warming. As the characters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aliens
are powerful, this nature could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
all these calamities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Moreover
, the outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
, animals,
for instance
, might provide a better environment for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this earth. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have super power and talent to implement any tasks
Consider replacing "in a facile manner" with the adverb for "facile"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a facile manner
.
Therefore
, if scientists deliver any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aliens
if would take to them as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
response.

In conclusion
, the authority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
inventor reckons that providing hints to the outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
may prove a disaster, as we are unknown to them, while a group of other researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
opposite like saving humanity, decreasing natural catastrophe, and pollutants from ambience, curing fatal, diseases,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
. For that reason, in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aliens
would bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
signs
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
remarks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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