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Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

essaydiscussionEducationEntertainment
Writing Structure
A vast number of individuals believe that educational institutions should focus more on entertainment whereas others state education is the main purpose of these facilities. I strongly believe that, there should be a balance between them. This essay will discuss both points of view by giving examples from the UK government and Oxford University to support and demonstrate arguments. On the one hand, there is ample evidence that acquiring knowledge and developing skills have been over the years, the principal purpose to attend schools. The central reason behind this is twofold, firstly, in order to assure a bright future to their children, parents feel the need to provide them with the knowledge necessary to be able to study university degrees and thus increase the opportunities to apply for better jobs. Secondly, due to lack of time and perhaps lack of education, a great number of families rely on schools to prepare their childbirths. For example, recent empirical research by the UK government demonstrated that 90% of families prefer to enroll learners in institutions with higher scores in education excellence despite their reputation of being strict with their students and have longer school hours. Therefore, it is conclusively clear that the sole purpose of educational institutions for most people, is to educate their attendees. On the other hand, experts have demonstrated the importance of including entertainment as an alternative method of teaching. The impact of this new suggestion cannot be overstated. This is largely because there is scientific evidence that have proven that youngs learn faster, easier, and more efficiently through unconventional techniques, for example, games, arts, and music, to name just a few. An extensive study by Oxford University showed that over 70% of the participants passed a class exam about history that was learned trough art compared to 50% of the counterparts who attended a traditional lecture about the same subject. Thus, it is possible to state beyond doubt that education should also include entertainment as a learning process. From the arguments and examples given, I firmly believe that, traditional methods of teaching as well as unconventional techniques such as art and music, are crucial for learners who desire to acquire knowledge and essential skills at school. Therefore, both should be the main purpose of educational institutions.
Introduction
Background Information

Thesis Statement

Outline Statement

Body Paragraph 1
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Body Paragraph 2
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Conclusion
Restatement of Thesis

Final Thought

Overall Band Score: 6.5
Task Achievement
6.5
The essay addresses the task by presenting both sides of the argument and providing examples. However, the conclusion could be more definitive in stating the writer's position.
Lexical Resource
6
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetition. The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices.
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the argumentation could be more logically sequenced.
Grammatical Range
6
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that detract from clarity.

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