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Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.3

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 3
Thanks to the advent of social media, people are now better able to stay connected to their friends and family. They can even follow celebrities to such an extent which was not previously possible. However, the usage of social media has its risks. As people of all ages have access to it and use it in their daily life, it has become a major risk for children as they can be exposed to adult content which may trigger violent behaviour in them. The children are also vulnerable to cyber exploitation as they may not know the true identity or motive of the person they are interacting with online. Even when children are talking to someone they know, social media can still pose a lot of other threats. Cyber bullying is frequently reported in the news and occurs on social media among children. This is very problematic as it means that children can be bullied even when they at their home. Social media can be problematic for adults, too. Many people are comfortable posting personal views and opinions and other stuff on social media that they wouldn’t normally share in real life. This can indirectly cause a bad impression on other people, and if employers judge the nature of the content prospective employees post on social media to be inappropriate, it can affect their chances of attaining or keeping jobs. This posted information can also be used to track adult people and to know their whereabouts, which enables the anti-social elements to take advantage and stalk the people and blackmail them to get their bidding done. In conclusion, people have to be aware of the risks of using social media, and careful enough to post only minimal, risk free and respectable content. Only then the advantages of social media will outweigh the disadvantages.
Thanks to the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
better able to stay connected to their friends and family. They can even follow celebrities to such an extent which was not previously possible.
However
, the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages have access to it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in their daily life, it has become a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they can
be exposed
to adult content which may trigger violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in them. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
also
vulnerable to cyber exploitation as they may not know the true identity or motive of the person they are interacting with online. Even when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are talking to someone they know,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
still
pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
other threats.
This word is normally spelled as one.
Cyber bullying
is
frequently
reported in the news and occurs on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
problematic as it means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be bullied
even when they at their home.

Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can be problematic for adults, too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are comfortable posting personal views and opinions and other stuff on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
that they wouldn’t
normally
share in real life. This can
indirectly
cause a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and if employers judge the nature of the content prospective employees post on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to be inappropriate, it can affect their chances of attaining or keeping jobs. This posted information can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to know their whereabouts, which enables the anti-social elements to take advantage and stalk the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and blackmail them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their bidding done.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, and careful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to post
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
minimal,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
free and respectable content.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
then the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
will outweigh the disadvantages.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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