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Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.2

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
While many people believe that schools should focus only on academic curricula, I strongly advocate the inclusion of more enjoyable activities in order to maintain student engagement and therefore improve learning outcomes, as many young people struggle to remain focused on strictly educational tasks. Learners who are required to absorb information via conventional academic methods often experience problems with focus and attention. More specifically, repeatedly performing the same memory-based task throughout one’s school career is likely to cause boredom and ultimately result in student disengagement. In several schools in the UK, to take an example, it has been shown via survey that a considerable number of young people fail to remember crucial information simply because it was uninteresting. Adhering strictly to rote learning is therefore harmful to those students who require further assistance to remember key details. However, this problem can be tackled by creating more engaging and entertaining lesson plans. Incorporating interactive media and a variety of classroom formats into the learning experience can improve overall attention and therefore increase the quantity of information available for recall. This is borne out by a study completed at the University of Melbourne which demonstrated that overall academic performance increased dramatically when students were properly and meaningfully engaged with the subject matter. Teaching in this manner can benefit all students and ensure that those learners who struggle to pay attention are not left behind. To conclude, I strongly agree that schools should be at least somewhat entertaining since a more holistic approach to teaching provides better academic performance overall.
While
many
people
believe that
schools
should focus
only
on
academic
curricula, I
strongly
advocate the inclusion of more enjoyable activities in order to maintain
student
engagement and
therefore
improve
learning outcomes, as
many
young
people
struggle to remain focused on
strictly
educational tasks.

Learners who
are required
to absorb information via conventional
academic
methods
often
experience problems with focus and attention. More
specifically
,
repeatedly
performing the same memory-based task throughout one’s
school
career is likely to cause boredom and
ultimately
result in
student
disengagement. In several
schools
in the UK, to take an example, it has
been shown
via survey that a considerable number of young
people
fail to remember crucial information
simply
because
it was uninteresting. Adhering
strictly
to rote learning is
therefore
harmful to those
students
who require
further
assistance to remember key
details
.

However
, this problem can
be tackled
by creating more engaging and entertaining lesson plans. Incorporating interactive media and a variety of classroom formats into the learning experience can
improve
overall
attention and
therefore
increase the quantity of information available for recall. This
is borne
out by a study completed at the University of Melbourne which demonstrated that
overall
academic
performance increased
dramatically
when
students
were
properly
and
meaningfully
engaged with the
subject matter
. Teaching in this manner can benefit all
students
and ensure that those learners who struggle to pay attention are not
left
behind.

To conclude
, I
strongly
agree
that
schools
should be at least somewhat entertaining since a more holistic approach to teaching provides better
academic
performance
overall
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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