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Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.11

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 11
Over the past decades, conventional teaching has broadly translated into an entertaining activities between teachers and students. Alongside this changing pattern in majority of educational institutions, the latest sociological discoveries has casted light on its desired outcome of intensifying teaching efficiency and alleviating academic pressure. The aim of this essay is set to explore these advantages with supports underpinned by those academic work. To begin with, it is intuitively obvious that incorporating entertainment into curriculum is widely perceived as a remedy for strain given by school. What this means is that the contemporary assessment methods entailing homework and examinations necessitates a vigorous lifestyle in order to lay the groundwork for further study, whereby the ensuing stress from such qualification is best unwind by entertainment. For instance, recent empirical research from the Hong Kong University established that junior learners who experience an entertaining means of education are less likely to be stricken by academic pressure, which was the main culprit of student’s suicide case in last year. Consistent with this line of thinking, coupled with accompanying interaction with teachers, the entertaining elements embedded in cultivation is likely to ameliorate the pressure from routine academic work around young students. Meanwhile, another pivotal component to remember is that enjoyable learning, to a considerable extend, can foster the progress on acquiring knowledge. This is because students who are in their formative years are mostly impressionable, and practical experience has a vitally important role to play on implanting message in their memories. In fact, after being interviewed by an extensive study conducted by the Education Society, 90% secondary school students admitted language acquisition is considerably eased by immersing themselves in enjoyable English lessons encompassing western movie playing and classical drama participation. Consequently, joining a class with entertainment pervasively constitutes a positive driver on cultivation and enrichment in certain disciplines. Overall, there is undeniable evidence suggested that learning with entertainment has a crucial significance on relieving academic strain and reinforcing the quality of learning. Given the strength of evidence, it is predicted that the means of enlightenment will pervasively become more entertaining in foreseeable future.
Over the past decades, conventional teaching has
broadly
translated into an
entertaining
activities
between teachers and
students
. Alongside this changing pattern in
majority of
educational institutions, the latest sociological discoveries has
casted
light on its desired outcome of intensifying teaching efficiency and alleviating
academic
pressure. The aim of this essay
is set
to explore these advantages with supports underpinned by those
academic
work.

To
begin
with, it is
intuitively
obvious that incorporating entertainment into curriculum is
widely
perceived as a remedy for strain
given
by school. What this means is that the contemporary assessment methods entailing homework and examinations necessitates a vigorous lifestyle in order to lay the groundwork for
further
study, whereby the ensuing
stress
from such qualification is best unwind by entertainment.
For instance
, recent empirical research from the Hong Kong University established that junior learners who experience an
entertaining
means of education are less likely to be stricken by
academic
pressure, which was the main culprit of
student’s
suicide case in last year. Consistent with this line of thinking, coupled with accompanying interaction with teachers, the
entertaining
elements embedded in cultivation is likely to ameliorate the pressure from routine
academic
work around young students.

Meanwhile, another pivotal component to remember is that enjoyable learning, to a considerable extend, can foster the progress on acquiring knowledge. This is
because
students
who are in their formative years are
mostly
impressionable, and practical experience has a
vitally
important
role to play on implanting message in their memories. In fact, after
being interviewed
by an extensive study conducted by the Education Society, 90% secondary school
students
admitted language acquisition is
considerably
eased
by immersing themselves in enjoyable English lessons encompassing western movie playing and classical drama participation.
Consequently
, joining a
class
with entertainment
pervasively
constitutes a
positive
driver on cultivation and enrichment in certain disciplines.

Overall
, there is undeniable evidence suggested that learning with entertainment has a crucial significance on relieving
academic
strain and reinforcing the quality of learning.
Given
the strength of evidence, it
is predicted
that the means of enlightenment will
pervasively
become more
entertaining
in foreseeable future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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