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Some people think that schools do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.3

Some people think that schools do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health. v. 3
People think that schools are not showing interest on student’s health and they ought to teach about health related topics in their education which helps them to maintain good health. In my opinion, I completely agree that educational institutions were not supporting to form a healthy generation. The main reason for schools which are not looking over students health are, the teachers are not trained enough about health and they are limited to teach common subjects. Due to lack in awareness, they are not eligible to give a proper guidance and all countries accepted this condition. For instance, it is noted that developed countries like UK and US are facing enormous problems with over-weighted, obese children and government authorities not blaming on teachers and schools as they responsible for this condition. On the other hand, although, if schools tend to teach about health, because of the school syllabus which designed for students make it impossible. Because, the teachers must cover and end the syllabus in fixed time and prepare the student to compete with others in the end of the year. Hence, schools cannot replace or ignore current syllabus to discuss about health related topics, unless it was accepted by government educational authorities. Finally, schools and government authorities looking only for alternatives to give awareness such as increasing sports facilities in schools, encouraging to participate in games and competition among students. Schools providing daily extra hours for physical training games to students which makes them healthy. To sum up, schools are not designed to teach students about health, because of syllabus and lack of time. In my opinion, government authorities should initiate for forming a healthy generation by introducing topics related to health and change in school current system.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are not showing interest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
they ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related topics in their education which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that educational institutions were not supporting to form a healthy generation.

The main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which are not looking over
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are, the teachers are not trained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
they
are limited
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
common subjects. Due to lack in awareness, they are not eligible to give a proper guidance and all countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
this condition.
For instance
, it
is noted
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
like UK and US are facing enormous problems with over-weighted, obese children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
authorities not blaming on teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as they responsible for this condition.

On the other hand
, although, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
syllabus
which designed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it impossible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
cover and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
syllabus
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
time and prepare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to compete with others in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
cannot replace or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
syllabus
to discuss about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related topics, unless it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
educational authorities.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
authorities looking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for alternatives to give awareness such as increasing sports facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, encouraging
Did you mean "participating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to participate
in games and competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
providing daily extra hours for physical training games to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them healthy.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are not designed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
syllabus
and lack of time. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
authorities should initiate for forming a healthy generation by introducing topics related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
system.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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