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Some people think that school uniforms are unnecessary and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that school uniforms are unnecessary and should be banned. v. 1
The argument of whether or not wearing a school uniform is mandatory is often debated. While some hold the opinion that this old school thinking should be stopped, i agree to some extent that it should not be obligatory. Many believe school attire is important because it provides a sense of identity. By wearing it, students proudly represent their school, as the school logo and colours are presented through their clothings colour scheme. In addition to this, they also think that the uniform ensures the safety of the student. For example, in 2015, Khartoum Times reported a story of primary school girl who was lost on a school trip to the local zoo, she was further indentified by nearby locals because they recognized her shirt logo and safely returned her to her family. Undoubtedly, the common educational institutions suit has its perks. However, forcing childrent to dress a certain way inhibits self expression. Which is a key aspect of childhood that later shapes personalities and views. This is because people express themselves through their appearence from a young age. Pressuring fresh minds into dressing like soldiers can create a robotic sort of approach to life, possibly making them unhappy in the future. For instance, a 2019 Psychology study on freedom of speech and expression assessed and compared individuals that were forced to wear a uniform as kids and those that were allowed to dress how they like. The results found that those who had freedom of choice were much more confident in their decisions. Although they were only young at the time, giving kids the option greatly impacted their characters. In conclusion, despite the many arguments put forth about children being forced to wear a school uniform, i believe individuality prevails over school identity and children should be free to express themselves.
The argument of
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
wearing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is mandatory is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debated. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hold the opinion that this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
thinking should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent that it should not be obligatory.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
attire is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides a sense of identity. By wearing it, students
proudly
represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
logo and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
are presented
through their
Possible spelling mistake found.
clothings
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
scheme.
In addition
to this, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
ensures the safety of the student.
For example
, in 2015, Khartoum Times reported a story of primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
girl who
was lost
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
trip to the local zoo, she was
further
Possible spelling mistake found.
indentified
by nearby locals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they recognized her shirt logo and
safely
returned her to her family.
Undoubtedly
, the common educational institutions suit has its perks.

However
, forcing
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrent
to dress a certain way inhibits
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self expression
. Which is a key aspect of childhood that later shapes personalities and views. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
express themselves through their
Possible spelling mistake found.
appearence
from a young age. Pressuring fresh minds into dressing like soldiers can create a robotic sort of approach to life,
possibly
making them unhappy in the future.
For instance
, a 2019 Psychology study on freedom of speech and expression assessed and compared individuals that
were forced
to wear a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
as kids and those that were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to dress how they like. The results found that those who had freedom of choice were much more confident in their decisions. Although they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
young at the time, giving kids the option
greatly
impacted their characters.

In conclusion
, despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments put forth about children
being forced
to wear a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe individuality prevails over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
identity and children should be free to express themselves.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that school uniforms are unnecessary and should be banned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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