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Some people think that school should teach students to understand right wrong and good behaviour instead of this being only parents responsibility Do you agree or disagree with the given statement v.1

Some people think that school should teach students to understand right wrong and good behaviour instead of this being only parents responsibility v. 1
Students are believed to be the building blocks of their nations. Presently, some people are of the opinion that it is the prime duty of school authorities to develop sensible behaviour and better understanding of right and wrong among students, instead keeping only parents assigned for this job. Here, I would like to accord with the given statement. There are manifold points to endorse my point of view. First and foremost, parents, nowadays, have busiest lifestyle and they are unable to find quality time for their children to teach them good characteristics. Therefore, school is a perfect place where teachers are assigned for social, intellectual and educational development of children. What is more, modern schools provide a healthy learning environment for the overall development of students. To demonstrate, teachers maintain discipline, rules and regulations in an effective manner. Besides this, they not only inculcate social, moral and cultural values but also prevent them from bad habits. Thus, teachers who are professionally trained can be vital for the holistic development of children. Further emphasising on my point of view, unlike parents, teachers are the most influential personalities for students on account of their special teaching skills, and strategies. To illustrate, teachers are trained to handle students by both friendly and stringent behaviour. What is more, they know some great inspirational stories and real life examples to boost the confidence and morality among children. As a result, the contribution of teachers is remarkable to make students noble citizens. All of above, in the schools, students have to study with the group of students in a class where teachers can analyse their behaviour towards their classmates who belong to different castes, categories and religions. Thus, it is more easy for teachers to tell them the difference between right and wrong behaviour in comparison to parents. On the contrary, others have conflicting views. They think that, parents are supposed to be the first mentor of their children and they have strong emotional attachment, love and care for their adolescents. Therefore, parents, being the best well wishers of their children can be claimed to set the moral and sensible behaviour of their children towards others. In addition, teachers nowadays focus more on the academic skills of students rather than social development. Needless to say, parents can be the best guide for their juveniles at their homes. To recapitulate, undeniably, parents have a role to play in the development of good manners; however, teachers can act more successfully than parents to shape children into decent characters.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are believed
to be the building blocks of their nations.
Presently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that it is the prime duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
authorities to develop sensible
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and better understanding of right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
instead
keeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
assigned for this job. Here, I would like to accord with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.

There are manifold points to endorse my point of view.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, nowadays, have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the busiest".
busiest
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
they are unable to find quality time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to teach them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
characteristics.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a perfect place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are assigned
for social, intellectual and educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
What is more
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide a healthy learning environment for the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. To demonstrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
maintain discipline,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations
Consider replacing "in an effective manner" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective manner
.
Besides
this, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inculcate social, moral and cultural values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who are
professionally
trained can be vital for the holistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of children.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasising' is British English.
emphasising
on my point of view, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the most influential personalities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on account of their special teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and strategies. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are trained
to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by both friendly and stringent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
What is more
, they know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great inspirational stories and real life examples to boost the confidence and morality among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, the contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is remarkable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
noble citizens.
Consider using "All above" or "All of the above".
All of above
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study with the group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
towards their classmates who belong to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
castes, categories and religions.
Thus
, it is more easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
On the contrary
, others have conflicting views.

They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are supposed
to be the
first
mentor of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they have strong emotional attachment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care for their adolescents.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, being the best
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well wishers
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be claimed
to set the moral and sensible
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
towards others.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
nowadays focus more on the academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
rather
than social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Needless to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be the best guide for their juveniles at their homes.

To recapitulate,
undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a role to play in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can act more
successfully
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to shape
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into decent characters.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that school should teach students to understand right wrong and good behaviour instead of this being only parents responsibility v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
420 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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