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Some people think that school reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people think that school reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 1
Nowadays, with the proliferation of competition in every field, everyone tries to achieve the success with steady progress abreast with balancing family. This essay will discuss the main causes of a large number of professional migrations and will suggest the solution on same to mitigate the problem, including perks in jobs, mental satisfaction and progress of an employee. With the huge struggle in today’s era, if people are not able to fulfil their needs in current job profile, they tend to try various opportunities to get successful. Additionally, there is a blind attraction towards foreign countries as the perks there are greater than their own countries. Hence, to climb the ladder of success, people get enticed and tend to move to the developed countries to fulfil their dreams, which eventually may help to improve their monetary status as well. For example, employees of short revenue companies may have willing to migrate and achieve what they deserve. In order to solve these problems, companies can try to improve the perks in job and should never make employee feels left out. As common man’s dreams are dependent on his job and if he gets mental satisfaction, job benefits and work life balance in current one, then a huge number of migrations can get lessened. Thus, thinking in employee’s perspective may change the current situation drastically and we can reduce the migrations easily which also may affect country’s productivity and growth. To conclude the thought, satisfied employee is always not only productive in his current environment, but also fails to think about relocation for perks as he may not have the attraction of the same. This essay discussed underlying causes of migrations and suggested the solutions to weaken the issue also.
Nowadays, with the proliferation of competition in every field, everyone tries to achieve the success with steady progress abreast with balancing family. This essay will discuss the main causes of
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrations
and will suggest the solution on same to mitigate the problem, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perks
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, mental satisfaction and progress of an employee.

With the huge struggle in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s era, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not able to fulfil their needs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
profile, they tend to try various opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
successful.
Additionally
, there is a blind attraction towards foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perks
there are greater than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Hence
, to climb the ladder of success,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enticed and tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to fulfil their dreams, which
eventually
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their monetary status
as well
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
of short revenue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may have willing to migrate and achieve what they deserve.

In order to solve these problems,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perks
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and should never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
feels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out. As common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s dreams are dependent on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
mental satisfaction,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
benefits and
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
one, then a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrations
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lessened.
Thus
, thinking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
perspective may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
situation
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
drastically and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrations
easily
which
also
may affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
productivity and growth.

To conclude
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is always not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
productive in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
fails to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about relocation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perks
as he may not have the attraction of the same. This essay discussed underlying causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrations
and suggested the solutions to weaken the issue
also
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that school reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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