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Some people think that rest and sleep are the best methods to relax while others think that it can be done by involving in some activities like sports. Do you agree or disagree and give your view? v.2

Some people think that rest and sleep are the best methods to relax while others think that it can be done by involving in some activities like sports. and give your view? v. 2
People' s opinion differ when choices for relaxation are discussed. While some may think that indulging in activities related to entertainment help recover from stress, I, however, believe that rest periods and sleep are best remedies available. I will explain the reasons of my opinion in the following paragraphs. Firstly, rest provide an opportunity to isolate from the worries anybody in facing in the daily life. While it could be in any form such as visiting a garden or taking a small nap in the office, it leads to satisfaction as it gives the time to think about the overall picture and observe the complexities in the neutral environment. For the sake of this reason, Google has installed rest-pods in the head office at California for the employees to clear up the minds and take a fresh start after that. Secondly, Sleeping is a natural phenomenon, which is a part of human physical existence, as it generate hormones directly involved in the soothing effect that on need for the effective calmness. Not only it is a shut-down activity but also scientists have found the initiation of recovery procedure for physical damages like muscle fatigue happening in sleep, which provides the ground base for the recommendation of 7 hour sleep for an adult. If one does not take necessary sleep, it culminates in drowsiness, headache and even hallucinations in the worst cases. Admittedly, entertainment activities, such as listening to songs, does distract mind from the regular activities but are only a temporary solution as per the research efficiency of mind decreases significantly after 8 hour of constant work and does not recover till taking a complete sleep. In conclusion, although small pleasurable actions can clear up the mind but for the pursuit of daily routine work proper rest is essential.
Possible spelling mistake found.
People&
#039; s opinion differ when choices for relaxation
are discussed
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that indulging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
related to entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
recover from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, I,
however
, believe that rest periods and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
are best remedies available. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons of my opinion in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, rest provide an opportunity to isolate from the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "worries'" or "worry's"?
worries
anybody in facing in the daily life. While it could be in any form such as visiting a garden or taking a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
nap in the office, it leads to satisfaction as it gives the time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
overall
picture and observe the complexities in the neutral environment. For the sake of this reason, Google has installed rest-pods in the head office at California for the employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
and take a fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
after that.

Secondly
, Sleeping is a natural phenomenon, which is a part of human physical existence, as it generate hormones
directly
involved in the soothing effect that on need for the effective calmness. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it is a shut-down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
scientists have found the initiation of recovery procedure for physical damages like muscle fatigue happening in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
, which provides the ground base for the recommendation of
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
7 hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
for an adult. If one does not take necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
, it culminates in drowsiness, headache and even hallucinations in the worst cases.

Admittedly
, entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as listening to songs, does distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
from the regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a temporary solution as per the research efficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
decreases
significantly
after 8
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hour' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hours".
hour
of constant work and does not recover till taking a complete sleep.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
pleasurable actions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the pursuit of daily routine work proper rest is essential.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that rest and sleep are the best methods to relax while others think that it can be done by involving in some activities like sports. and give your view? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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