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People think that it is more important to plant trees in towns and cities than to build more houses. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

People think that it is more important to plant trees in towns and cities than to build more houses. v. 1
It is argued that music is being considered as a good method to combine different background people, such as different cultures and ages, together. Although music has the magic, I completely agree with this view as it attracts millions of people being together and it tends to eliminate discrimination. On the one hand, music has the power to bring different people together. This is mainly because it is one of the most important art forms, which attracts millions of people throughout the whole world to participate in a music feast or a music concert. For instance, there is a large number of music festivals worldwide. Numerous people from different countries to attend auditory feasts. Some people sway their bodies following the beat of the performances in a bid to cheer with the crowd, which can connect different people with each other. On the other hand, music can transcend cultural boundaries. That is to say, music is trying to bridge the cultural differences whatever your skin colour and ages. Michal Jackson, who is treated as one of the greatest singers is the best example to illustrate this, his songs, such as ‘Black and White’ and ‘Earth Song’ emphasise racial integration and fight against prejudice. He is using his personality and songs to appeal to people to treat everyone in the same way. Although unfair treatments still exist, the number of them is decreasing. In conclusion, I firmly believe that millions of people are attracted by music to unite and it is more likely to eliminate racism and aged stereotype, which indeed is a good approach to bone together.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
being considered
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method to combine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
background
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and ages, together. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has the magic, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view as it attracts millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being together and it tends to eliminate discrimination.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has the power to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
art forms, which attracts millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the whole world to participate in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
feast or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concert.
For instance
, there is
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festivals worldwide. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries to attend auditory feasts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sway their bodies following the beat of the performances in a bid to cheer with the crowd, which can connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with each other.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can transcend cultural boundaries.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is trying to bridge the cultural differences whatever your skin
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and ages.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Michal
Jackson, who
is treated
as one of the greatest singers is the best example to illustrate this, his songs, such as ‘Black and White’ and ‘Earth Song’
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
racial integration and fight against prejudice. He is using his personality and songs to appeal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to treat everyone
in the same way
. Although unfair treatments
still
exist, the number of them is decreasing.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to unite and it is more likely to eliminate racism and aged stereotype, which
indeed
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approach to bone together.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People think that it is more important to plant trees in towns and cities than to build more houses. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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