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The graph below shows the proprotion of our differnt materials that were recycled from 1982 t0 2010 in a particular country. v.1

The graph below shows the proprotion of our differnt materials that were recycled from 1982 t0 2010 in a particular country. v. 1
In some countries, taking a year before starting university to discover the world and work is regarded as an advantage. For many adolescents, this habit has its benefits and drawbacks. Taking a gap year is an enriching experience for many young adults. After finishing high school, many teenagers suffer from being lost and not knowing their true purpose in life. However, if they take time to reflect on what they love and experience working or volunteering in different industries, they may find what field they like the most, thus, they can choose their university major easily. Furthermore, the lack of experience in life is another problem that adolescents face nowadays. For example, teenagers who spent their whole lives studying do not have the sufficient experience required for universities, due to that, travelling and working for a year can obviously enhance their knowledge. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages to taking a gap year. One of the most obvious drawbacks is skipping a year instead of going to university. Many adolescents do not favour taking gap years and are already confident about their experiences and purpose in life. These young adults start university before their peers who decide to take a year off, leading to a difference in education levels between people of the same age. An additional issue is financing. Some young adults wish to travel to places they dreamt of visiting to get to know their culture or to volunteer there. However, due to the lack of money, they cannot go which leads to disappointment and frustration. To conclude, a gap year undeniably has a positive impact on adolescents, yet there will always be drawbacks in terms of the education gap between them and their peers as well as financial issues.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to discover the world and work
is regarded
as an advantage. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
, this habit has its benefits and drawbacks.

Taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is an enriching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young adults. After finishing high school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
suffer from
being lost
and not knowing their true purpose in life.
However
, if they take time to reflect on what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
working or volunteering in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries, they may find what field they like the most,
thus
, they can choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
major
easily
.
Furthermore
, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in life is another problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
face nowadays.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who spent their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
studying do not have the sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
required for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, due to that, travelling and working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
can
obviously
enhance their knowledge.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. One of the most obvious drawbacks is skipping a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
instead
of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
years and are already confident about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and purpose in life. These young adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their peers who decide to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off, leading to a difference in education levels between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the same age. An additional issue is financing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young adults wish to travel to places they dreamt of visiting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know their culture or to volunteer there.
However
, due to the lack of money, they cannot go which leads to disappointment and frustration.

To conclude
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
undeniably
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
,
yet
there will always be drawbacks in terms of the education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between them and their peers
as well
as financial issues.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The graph below shows the proprotion of our differnt materials that were recycled from 1982 t0 2010 in a particular country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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