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Some people think that public libraries are no longer important, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.12

Some people think that public libraries are no longer important, while others disagree. v. 12
The number of public libraries is decreasing nowadays. The government states that a huge amount of money is required to maintain public libraries and their facilities while there are only a few people who take advantage of these facilities. City dwellers also think that the existence of those libraries is no longer necessary. In this essay, I shall give two points of views regarding the importance of public libraries and my personal opinion about it. On the one hand, some people feel uncomfortable to read at public libraries. First, it is because most of those places are boring. For example, people have to be quiet in the room and they are not allowed to bring food and beverages. In fact, some people feel they can concentrate more if they hear light music and drink a cup of coffee while reading their books. This is why modern cafes are preferable for city dwellers. Second, the book collections in public libraries are usually not up to date while people can get new books easily from local bookstores or from internet sources. For example, people can purchase new books from Amazon, either the electronic or the printed versions. On the other hand, not all people can afford to purchase books, access the internet, and go to the modern cafes. For example, there are some remote areas in Indonesia, where it is hard to get internet access there. Villagers in those areas have low income and low standard of living. Schools are located far away from their living places. Thus, I believe it is suitable to build public libraries in this kind of places. So much underage children have to work outdoors to support their family, hence, introducing reading as a hobby to them can be beneficial so that they can escape and get lost from their tiring daily routine. Villagers can just chill and relax to read some books at public libraries. In conclusion, the importance of public libraries depends on where they are located. I personally believe that city dwellers no longer need them while villagers find them useful.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries is decreasing nowadays. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
states that a huge amount of money
is required
to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries and their facilities while there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who take advantage of these facilities. City dwellers
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the existence of those libraries is no longer necessary. In this essay, I shall give two points of views regarding the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries and my personal opinion about it.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel uncomfortable to read at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries.
First
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of those places are boring.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be quiet in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
room and
they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to bring food and beverages. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel they can concentrate more if they hear light music and drink a cup of coffee while reading their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. This is why modern
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
are preferable for city dwellers. Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
collections in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are
usually
not up to date while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
easily
from local bookstores or from internet sources.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
from Amazon, either the electronic or the printed versions.

On the other hand
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, access the internet, and go to the modern
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remote areas in Indonesia, where it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
internet access there. Villagers in those areas have low income and low standard of living. Schools
are located
far away from their living places.
Thus
, I believe it is suitable to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries in this kind of places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
much underage children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work outdoors to support their family,
hence
, introducing reading as a hobby to them can be beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can escape and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost from their tiring daily routine. Villagers can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
chill and relax to read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries.

In conclusion
, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries depends on where they
are located
. I
personally
believe that city dwellers no longer need them while villagers find them useful.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that public libraries are no longer important, while others disagree. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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