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Some people think that public health is a responsibility of the government, while others believe that individuals should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that public health is a responsibility of the government, while others believe that individuals should be responsible for their own health. v. 2
Nowadays, stress-related health issues are growing and became a big problem in the human society. This essay will discuss the main causes of stress-related illness, including demanding job requirements and long working hours. Also, this essay will suggest the solutions to have a work-life balance and a healthy diet. In modern society, most of the jobs are more complicated than before, and working in long hours to support the job completion has become a norm. Due to globalization, many tasks require collaborative efforts to support, and people have to learn how to work with teams or customers from various countries and cultures meet performance expectations. In addition, people have to put in more effort and time to outperform the competition. For example, if one has a regional position to support customers from different time zones, it can lead to a high-stress level by working overtime. In order to reduce the damage from suffering intense stress, it’s recommended to strike a balance between work and life as well as maintain a healthy diet routine. Unwind time allows the brain to rest and recharge. Besides, eating quality food also brings huge health benefits to increase the immunity and reduce the risk of getting sick. According to many health kinds of research, people should allocate at least 5 hours a week to regular workout and intake essential nutrition to improve physical fitness. In conclusion, stress associates to work can lead to high health risks to individuals. This essay highlighted the possible causes, including unproportionate working schedules and high-demand job natures. To mitigate the risk derived, reworking on the work-life balance and developing a good dietary plan are two key solutions I suggested.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues are growing and became a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem in the human society. This essay will discuss the main causes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related illness, including demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements and long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.
Also
, this essay will suggest the solutions to have a work-life balance and a healthy diet.

In modern society, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are more complicated than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in long hours to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
completion has become a norm. Due to globalization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks require collaborative efforts to support, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn how to work with teams or customers from various countries and cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
performance expectations.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put in more effort and time to outperform the competition.
For example
, if one has a regional position to support customers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
time zones, it can lead to a high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime.

In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the damage from suffering intense
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, it’s recommended to strike a balance between work and life
as well
as maintain a healthy diet routine. Unwind time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the brain to rest and recharge.
Besides
, eating quality food
also
brings huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits to increase the immunity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting sick. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
kinds of research,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should allocate at least 5 hours a week to regular workout and intake essential nutrition to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
physical fitness.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
associates to work can lead to high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to individuals. This essay highlighted the possible causes, including
Possible spelling mistake found.
unproportionate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
schedules and high-demand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
natures. To mitigate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
derived, reworking on the work-life balance and developing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
dietary plan are two key solutions I suggested.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people think that public health is a responsibility of the government, while others believe that individuals should be responsible for their own health. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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