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Some People Think That Public Health Is A Responsibility Of The Government, While Others Believe That Individuals Should Be Responsible For Their Own Health. Discuss Both These Views And Give Your Own Opinion. v.1

Some People Think That Public Health Is A Responsibility Of The Government, While Others Believe That Individuals Should Be Responsible For Their Own Health. v. 1
In the past, people thought that health was the only responsibility of the individual, however nowadays some assert that the government should take important steps to improve people's health. In my opinion, everyone has to take own responsibility for their health by keeping good habits. Many health problems can be solved easily if people take individual responsibility. Firstly, people should not throw garbage anywhere as it can help to maintain a clean city and so as good health this can be done by penalties for those who do not follow rules. Secondly, people should eat healthy food, do regular exercise and take sleep at least 7-8 hours daily as it can give them the strength to overcome and fight for any disease. Currently, In the news, we all can see that Coronavirus is affecting those who have a low immunity system. On the other hand, The government can also play a vital role in maintaining good health in society. The municipality can ensure that clean water is supplied, all over the city as well as water tanks are being cleaned regularly. Moreover, the Government can build better hospitals and can hire specialist doctors so that ill people can easily consult doctors and can recover soon. But if people are healthy, then they don't feel sick often and hence no need to visit doctors. Although, the Government is responsible in some ways like clean water supply and constructing good hospitals. But I agree that individuals can make efforts to stay healthy and fit by keeping good eating habits and daily exercise.
In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
responsibility of the individual,
however
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assert that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In my opinion, everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibility for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
habits.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems can
be solved
easily
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take individual responsibility.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not throw garbage anywhere as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain a clean city and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
this can
be done
by penalties for those who do not follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should eat healthy food, do regular exercise and take sleep at least 7-8 hours daily as it can give them the strength to overcome and fight for any disease.
Currently
, In the news, we all can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that Coronavirus is affecting those who have a low immunity system.

On the other hand
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
also
play a vital role in maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in society. The municipality can ensure that clean water
is supplied
, all over the city
as well
as water tanks are
being cleaned
regularly
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can build better hospitals and can hire specialist doctors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
consult doctors and can recover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are healthy, then they don't feel sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and
hence
no need to visit doctors.

Although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
is responsible in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways like clean water supply and constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
hospitals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that individuals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to stay healthy and fit by keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
eating habits and daily exercise.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some People Think That Public Health Is A Responsibility Of The Government, While Others Believe That Individuals Should Be Responsible For Their Own Health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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