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Some people think that prison sentences should not be used to deal with criminals. Education and skills training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that prison sentences should not be used to deal with criminals. Education and skills training should be used instead. v. 2
Law offenders commonly serve a prison term as penalty for crimes committed. However, some individuals are of the opinion that jail term should no longer be served by law offenders, rather, education and skill acquisition should serve as a penalty. I disagree to a large extent that education and the acquisition of skills should become the present form of punishment, rather it should be Incorporated into their daily activities as they serve jail terms. Education and skill training should be part of the daily activities of prisoners, rather than eradicating imprisonment totally. Imprisonment rips of their rights to freedom, brings about a sense of remorse which will eventually lead to repentance over time. Addition of education and skill training to the daily routine of inmates keeps them physically busy, also builds them up mentally. Hence, they can look forward to a source of livelihood once they complete their jail term. For instance, a thief who robbed at my place of work was jailed for six months, a period in which he was remorseful and vowed never to steal again. He learnt the craft of painting, following his release, he continued in the skill and has since been financially stable. Thus, merging prison sentence, education and skill training makes a criminal a better person. Meting out education and skill acquisition only, as a means of punishment doesn't drive home the gravity of the offence committed, as such, criminals are liable to break laws repeatedly, due to freedom retained. Crime offenders are not likely to commit themselves to the process of education and skill acquisition. Hence, criminals are bound to go unpunished. As such, imprisonment is of the essence. For example, a murderer who takes a course in literature with no remorse may actually continue in the act on university grounds as he has no remorse nor has he repented. In conclusion, many individuals may be of the opinion that education and skill training should be a means to mete out punishment, rather than serving a jail term. I disagree with the notion, as a better result is achieved from merging both prison sentences, education and skill acquisition.
Law offenders
commonly
serve a prison term as penalty for crimes committed.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
term should no longer
be served
by law offenders,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acquisition
should serve as a penalty. I disagree to a large extent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acquisition
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should become the present form of punishment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
it should
be Incorporated
into their daily activities as they serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
terms.

Education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
should be part of the daily activities of prisoners,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than eradicating imprisonment
totally
. Imprisonment rips of their rights to freedom, brings about a sense of remorse which will
eventually
lead to repentance over time. Addition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
to the daily routine of inmates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them
physically
busy,
also
builds them up mentally.
Hence
, they can look forward to a source of livelihood once they complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
term.

For instance
, a thief who robbed at my place of work
was jailed
for six months, a period in which he was remorseful and vowed never to steal again. He
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the craft of painting, following his release, he continued in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and has since been
financially
stable.
Thus
, merging prison sentence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a criminal a better person.

Meting out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acquisition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, as a means of punishment doesn't drive home the gravity of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
committed, as such, criminals are liable to break laws
repeatedly
, due to freedom retained. Crime offenders are not likely to commit themselves to the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acquisition
.
Hence
, criminals
are bound
to go unpunished. As such, imprisonment is of the essence.
For example
, a murderer who takes a course in literature with no remorse may actually continue in the act on university grounds as he has no remorse nor has he repented.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals may be of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
should be a means to mete out punishment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than serving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
term. I disagree with the notion, as a better result
is achieved
from merging both prison sentences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acquisition
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that prison sentences should not be used to deal with criminals. Education and skills training should be used instead. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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