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More and more people these days overwork. Overwork has caused several problems. What are they and how to tackle this problems? v.1

More and more people these days overwork. Overwork has caused several problems. What are they and how to tackle this problems? v. 1
These days, people in modern life increasingly overload because of working too much. However, overloads has lead to many issues. There are two main problems, limitation in both physical and mental and being a positive person. Possible solutions would be spending hours on outdoor activities and look on the bright side. First, one of the main problems is that overwork can cause limitation in both physical and mental. If they usually have to get high pressures at work, their body would alert them by some signs such as sore eyes, headache, weak memory, so on. This condition lasts long every day that becomes diseases such as cardiovascular disease, obesity, so on. Consequently, they cannot task effectively. For example, when they task regularly without taking a break, their brand would run out of energy and then it is exhausted, so they cannot concentrate to make a good decision as well as complete works in right time. To tackle this issue they should spend more time to support outdoor activities including sport club or, hang out with friends on the weekend or take a trip on vacation. Thanks to some activities, they will be relaxed and recharged the battery for the next challenge. Second, another problem to consider is being a positive person. They always hope to do well and when the failure at work happens, they have to deal with severe stress, including disappointment from employer, high risk of the sack. As a result, they may become a depression people. For instance, if they are leaders, their projects of the team would decline because they would be frightened to suggest a resolution. One possible solution is for workers to look on the bright side and they should receive some advice from employees to escape this bad mood. Therefore, they are able to solve any challenges and get more confident and optimistic in life. In a nutshell, exhaust can cause some issues, including limitation in both physical and mental and being a positive person. Many solutions are spending date on outdoor activities and looking on the bright side. It is suggested that they should arrange a time to work and rest reasonably in order to improve health for the job.
These days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in modern life
increasingly
overload
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of working too much.
However
, overloads has lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues. There are two main problems, limitation in both physical and mental and being a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
person. Possible solutions would be spending hours on outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and look on the bright side.

First
, one of the main problems is that overwork can cause limitation in both physical and mental. If they
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high pressures at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, their body would alert them by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
signs such as sore eyes, headache, weak memory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This condition lasts long every day that becomes diseases such as cardiovascular disease, obesity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Consequently
, they cannot task
effectively
.
For example
, when they task
regularly
without taking a break, their brand would run out of energy and then it
is exhausted
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot concentrate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision
as well
as complete works in right time. To tackle this issue they should spend more time to support outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
including sport club or, hang out with friends on the weekend or take a trip on vacation. Thanks to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they will
be relaxed
and recharged the battery for the
next
challenge.

Second, another problem to consider is being a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
person. They always hope to do well and when the failure at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
happens, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with severe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, including disappointment from employer, high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of the sack.
As a result
, they may become a depression
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, if they are leaders, their projects of the team would decline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would
be frightened
to suggest a resolution. One possible solution is for workers to look on the bright
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
side and
they should receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advice from employees to escape this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
mood.
Therefore
, they are able to solve any challenges and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more confident and optimistic in life.

In a nutshell, exhaust can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues, including limitation in both physical and mental and being a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
solutions are spending date on outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and looking on the bright side. It
is suggested
that they should arrange a time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and rest
reasonably
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health for the job.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people these days overwork. Overwork has caused several problems. What are they and how to tackle this problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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