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Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world, while others believe that scientists are more influential. Discuss both sides of view and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world, while others believe that scientists are more influential. v. 1
Some people argue that politicians have the utmost impact on the world; however, others disagree. In their opinion, scientists are the most influential people on the planet. I agree with this latter group. In this essay, I will explain why I think scientists are more influential than politicians. There is no denying the fact that politicians are influential. After all, they rule the nations of the world. They make laws. They sign international agreements. They can even decide whether we need war or peace. Take, for instance, the case of the World Wars. While the wars were fought by the soldiers, the decision to go to war was taken by politicians. Obviously, the argument that politicians are influential is understandable. Yet, in my opinion scientists are more powerful. We wouldn’t have reached where we are today without the advancements in science and technology. Scientists have invented life saving drugs and vaccines which gave us a chance to stand up to deadly diseases. They invented the light bulbs, the automobiles, refrigerators and computers. As we can see, it is impossible to imagine a life without these inventions now. The missiles and bombs that can win a war for politicians were also invented by scientists. So, if there weren’t any scientists, we would most probably still be living in caves. The impact of politicians on our lives is negligible when we consider the impact of scientists and their inventions. To conclude, while it is true that politicians are influential, their influence is much less pronounced than the influence of scientists.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
have the utmost impact on the world;
however
, others disagree. In their opinion,
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scientists
are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the planet. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this latter group. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are more
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influential
than politicians.

There is no denying the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influential
.
After all
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
the nations of the world. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
international agreements.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
can even decide whether we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
or peace. Take,
for instance
, the case of the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wars
. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
were fought
by the soldiers, the decision to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
was taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
.
Obviously
, the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influential
is understandable.

Yet
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are more powerful. We wouldn’t have reached where we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
without the advancements in science and technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
have invented life saving drugs and vaccines which gave us a chance to stand up to deadly diseases. They invented the light bulbs, the automobiles, refrigerators and computers. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, it is impossible to imagine a life without these inventions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. The missiles and bombs that can win a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
were
also
invented by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if there weren’t any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
, we would most
probably
still
be living in caves. The impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is negligible when we consider the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and their inventions.

To conclude
, while it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influential
, their influence is much less pronounced than the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world, while others believe that scientists are more influential. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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