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The qualities and skills that a person required to become successful in today's world cannot be learnt at a university or any other academic institution to what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

The qualities and skills that a person required to become successful in today's world cannot be learnt at a university or any other academic institution v. 1
Some people may say that education is not necessary in the modern world. They are trying to tell us that you can be successful without spending your personal time on things like going to universities and colleges. The other people have a different opinion that you cannot achieve anything in your life without proper education. I believe that a good education is crucial part of our life. Without it, you probably will not be able to achieve your life goals. Let's discuss all points from the both sides and try to justify our opinion. People, who is telling us to stop going to universities, are trying to show us a few examples that this is a good strategy. For example, Bill Gates had dropped his college for creating the Microsoft company and now he is a richest man in the world. In my opinion, you should understand the you will have to work much higher than in the university to become a man like Bill. Also, I think you have to be a very lucky man for it. Moreover, If you want to become the scientist you need a decent education. All our technologies could not be possible without the works of the researches. But you cannot be a researcher without graduating from the university. If all people would decide to drop their education program, we will end up in the stone age without our gadgets. And the last thing I would like to say, that it will be really hard for you to find a job without an education. It is quite easy to see that we need a money for living and between the person with a good education and the person without it most of the employers will choose the former one. Taking everything into consideration, it is clear that life without education would be hard and very risky for us. All people are seeking for the places to get the best education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not necessary in the modern world. They are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us that you can be successful without spending your personal time on things like going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and colleges. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion that you cannot achieve anything in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I believe that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is crucial part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Without it, you
probably
will not be able to achieve your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's discuss all points from the both sides and try to justify our opinion.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
, who is telling us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
us a few examples that this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
strategy.

For example
, Bill Gates had dropped his college for creating the Microsoft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in the world. In my opinion, you should understand
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "you"?
the you
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work much higher than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
like Bill.
Also
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucky
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
for it.

Moreover
, If you want to become the scientist you need a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. All our technologies could not be possible without the works of the researches.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
you cannot be a researcher without graduating from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. If all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would decide to drop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
program, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
stone age
without our gadgets.

And the last thing I would like to say, that it will be
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for you to find a job without an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. It is quite easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that we need
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "money".
a money
for living and between the person with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and the person without it most of the employers will choose the former one.

Taking everything into consideration, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
risky for us. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are seeking for the places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The qualities and skills that a person required to become successful in today's world cannot be learnt at a university or any other academic institution v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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