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Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.10

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. v. 10
Many people think that physical power is more needed for a sportsman's career than mental strength. Although the first to some people is to concur to such claims. Nonetheless, there are several reasons to refuse this statement. In the following paragraphs, there are a number of perspectives to discuss this issue more in-depth. Firstly, the mail reason to support my position is that person must be calm and stress resistant to have successful sport careers. For example, my best friend, Artem Petrow is a popular runner. One day during his first competition he lost it, because he was so nervous about it. Ever that he was the best runner in our school do not help him to win. If you want to be a good sportsman you try to control yourself. So, not always physical strength can help you win. Also, another reason for my belief is that even is someone know about his problems he should not give up. My favourite football player, John Cameron, for example, brought victory to his team by scoring a goal. It would not be so difficult if his leg was not broken. He could refuse to take part in the game due to injury but he did not. So, if he was not mentally strong person his team would not to be a winner. In conclusion, it is not to say that other points of view are totally without merits. Nevertheless, the reasons a have presented could support my position. So, for win a sport event, mental strength is more important than physical strength
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that physical power is more needed for a sportsman's career than mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the
first
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
to concur to such claims. Nonetheless, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to refuse this statement. In the following paragraphs, there are a number of perspectives to discuss this issue more in-depth.

Firstly
, the mail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to support my position is that person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be calm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
resistant to have successful sport careers.
For example
, my best friend,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Artem
Possible spelling mistake found.
Petrow
is a popular runner. One day during his
first
competition he lost it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
nervous about it.
The adverb 'Ever' is usually not used at the beginning of a sentence.
Ever
that he was the best runner in our school do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to win.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
you want to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sportsman you try to control yourself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, not always physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you win.

Also
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for my belief is that even is someone know about his problems he should not give up. My
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
football player, John Cameron,
for example
, brought victory to his team by scoring a goal. It would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult if his leg was not broken. He could refuse to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the game due to injury
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he did not.
“So , if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, if
he was not mentally strong person his team would not to be a winner.

In conclusion
, it is not to say that other points of view are
totally
without merits.
Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
Did you mean "I"?
a
have presented could support my position.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, for win a sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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