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Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development? v.6

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 6
Advertisements have now played an essential role in everyday life that they can be seen anywhere, on streets or in the media. . In my opinion, the advertisements bring both pros and cons for the improvement of the modern society. On one hand, advertising has brought a number of benefits for not only consumers but also businesses. First, it appeared to enhance job opportunities. In fact, many companies and business have created their own advertisements to introduce the latest products and popularize them to their customers. Thus, they need to employ a team that has professional qualifications to do jobs such as designing a logo, writing content to attract the attention of their customers. Not forget to mention that they are likely to hire a famous celebrity in order to show the best image of the products. Consequently, these businesses partly help to solve several problems of unemployment or in other words, one advertisement can not only create a job but also many chances for society. Second, it is undeniable that people enjoy seeing advertisements since they could entertain them and lecture them lessons about life by building meaningful stories while advertising. Even coffee advertisements can be an excellent source of advices for the officers to have a better environment in their workplace, for example. On the other hand, there are certain disadvantages viewers need to consider. Most of the advertisements aim to persuade people that buying a product will make them happier. A successful advertisement means to stimulate people to purchase products that are being advertised, although those products might be too expensive, unnecessary or even unhealthy and in reality are of little use to buyers. Besides, advertisers often aim their marketing at children. When they can easily be influenced by beautiful and attractive toy or food advertisements, they put pressure on parents to buy them the items to keep up with their friends. As a result, advertisement could affect children’s behaviour negatively. In conclusion, individuals may gain both benefits and drawbacks through the growing prevalence of advertisements. I believe that governments and business should take measures to minimize the negative impacts of the advertisements on society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
played an essential role in everyday life that they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
anywhere, on streets or in the media.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
bring both pros and cons for the improvement of the modern society.

On one hand, advertising has brought a number of benefits for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consumers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
First
, it appeared to enhance job opportunities. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
have created their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
to introduce the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and popularize them to their customers.
Thus
, they need to employ a team that has professional qualifications to do jobs such as designing a logo, writing content to attract the attention of their customers. Not forget to mention that they are likely to hire a
Consider using "celebrity".
famous celebrity
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the best image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to solve several problems of unemployment or
in other words
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances for society. Second, it is undeniable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
since they could entertain them and lecture them lessons about life by building meaningful stories while advertising. Even coffee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can be an excellent source of advices for the officers to have a better environment in their workplace,
for example
.

On the other hand
, there are certain disadvantages viewers need to consider. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
aim to persuade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier. A successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
means to stimulate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are
being advertised
, although those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
might be too expensive, unnecessary or even unhealthy and in reality are of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to buyers.
Besides
, advertisers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
aim their marketing at children. When they can
easily
be influenced
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and attractive toy or food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, they put pressure on parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them the items to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with their friends.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
could affect children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
negatively
.

In conclusion
, individuals may gain both benefits and drawbacks through the growing prevalence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
should take measures to minimize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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