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Some people think that physical punishment of children is necessary, while others believe that such punishment should be made illegal. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that physical punishment of children is necessary, while others believe that such punishment should be made illegal. v. 2
People have different views about the proper ways to discipline children. Some people believe that it is essential to physically punish children, while others think that such a practice should be outlawed. This essay will discuss both of these views. On the one hand, using physical punishment on children might have several benefits. In my country, for example, almost all disruptive children are sometimes unwilling to listen to their parents who are less likely to have parenting skills; therefore, smacking children could be the quickest and most effective way to make them more obedient. Besides, the young can learn valuable lessons and avoid making mistakes, which will help them to gain the deeper understanding of the difference between right or wrong behaviors in later life. On the other hand, corporal punishment should be banned because it has many negative impacts on children’s behavior and health, even family bond. Firstly, children who are subject to some form of violent punishment at home are likely to misbehave, and to engage in delinquent, criminal or antisocial behavior. Worse, sometimes they might be at high risk of having depression or low-self-esteem due to parents’ hard spanking on a regular basis. Secondly, children, if being smacked by their parents, will be less likely to have a good relationship with them because children may not feel parental love and care but also experience emotional and physical abuse and neglect. In conclusion, although the importance of physical punishment in controlling children’s behaviors and attitudes is undeniable, from my perspective, in the long term, such punishment will put children at unnecessary risk of mental illness and poor health.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the proper ways to discipline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is essential to
physically
punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such a practice should
be outlawed
. This essay will discuss both of these views.

On the one hand, using physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might have several benefits. In my country,
for example
, almost all disruptive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
unwilling to listen to their parents who are less likely to have parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
;
therefore
, smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could be the quickest and most effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more obedient.
Besides
, the young can learn valuable lessons and avoid making mistakes, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to gain the deeper understanding of the difference between right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
in later life.

On the other hand
, corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
and health, even family bond.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are subject to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
at home are likely to misbehave, and to engage in delinquent, criminal or antisocial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. Worse,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they might be at high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of having depression or low-self-esteem due to parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
spanking on a regular basis.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, if
being smacked
by their parents, will be less likely to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not feel parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
experience emotional and physical abuse and neglect.

In conclusion
, although the importance of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
in controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
and attitudes is undeniable, from my perspective, in the long term, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
will put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of mental illness and poor health.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that physical punishment of children is necessary, while others believe that such punishment should be made illegal. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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