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Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends more on other factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends more on other factors. v. 1
People have different views about happiness that, whether it has a direct relation to economical success or other aspects like health and satisfaction. However, I believe both viewpoints are required to achieve happiness. At the outset, proponents of the statement "Money is not a God, but not less than God" believe that it is an absolute necessity to have personal happiness. Because there is nothing free in this materialistic world and to make an arrangement for food, shelter and clothing everyone has to spend a big chunk of money. Whereas, if one is unable to purchase the basic amenities, it would not be possible for him to remain happy. Moreover, to pursue dreams and desires that is another factor to stay happy, huge investments are required. For instance, to buy a luxury car it requires thousands of dollars. Thus, money might have its significance to live happily. On the other hand, along with money, some other factors are also mandatory. Health is the one among such factors to live a happy life. A person sustained by a dire ailment might become pessimistic about life. As an untreatable disease such as cancer, diabetes and heart attack could lead to a disastrous lifestyle. For instance, a survey conducted by the health department states that people suffering from medical disorders are found 75% more pessimistic about life. Furthermore, a sense of satisfaction is the most important consideration for a happier life. No matter, how rich a person is, how much ambitious, he is, if he is not the contended, he will always remain unhappy. It is because they race to possess materialistic things makes him restless, which means the state of unhappiness. For instance, the story of Alexander the great depicts that even after conquering the entire world, he died unhappily. Therefore, a person must have the satisfaction to live a happier life. In conclusion, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. People have disparate mindsets about the source of personal happiness, I believe money and health are prerequisites, but on the top of that satisfaction is a must.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about happiness that, whether it has a direct relation to
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
success or other aspects like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
.
However
, I believe both viewpoints
are required
to achieve happiness.

At the outset, proponents of the statement
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Money is not a God,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not less than God
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
believe that it is an absolute necessity to have personal happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there is nothing free in this materialistic world and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an arrangement for food, shelter and clothing everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chunk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Whereas, if one is unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the basic amenities, it would not be possible for him to remain happy.
Moreover
, to pursue dreams and desires
that is
another factor to stay happy, huge investments
are required
.
For instance
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a luxury car it requires thousands of dollars.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
might have its significance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
.

On the other hand
, along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other factors are
also
mandatory.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is the one among such factors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A person sustained by a dire ailment might become pessimistic about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As an untreatable disease such as cancer, diabetes and heart attack could lead to a disastrous lifestyle.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
department states that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffering from medical disorders
are found
75% more pessimistic about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
consideration for a happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. No matter, how rich a person is, how much ambitious, he is, if he is not the contended, he will always remain unhappy. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they race to possess materialistic things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him restless, which means the state of unhappiness.
For instance
, the story of
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
Alexander the great
depicts that even after conquering the entire world, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
unhappily
.
Therefore
, a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happier life.

In conclusion
, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to
properly
give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have disparate mindsets about the source of personal happiness, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are prerequisites,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the top of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends more on other factors. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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