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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.11

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 11
It is true that salary plays an integral part in selecting a career/choosing a job. While I accept that this may suite to many people, I believe that there are many ones choosing jobs according to other considerations. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons / various reasons for considering salary as the most crucial factor. A high income guarantees a high standard quality of life, in which the people can afford their increasing demand on not only human basic needs, but also luxurious things such as brand new accessories or overseas holidays. Besides/ In addition, many people set salary as a measure of their working capacity as well as their level in the company. The higher income they receive, the more valuable they are in their prospective employment; therefore, not only the amount of money itself, but also made-up reputation makes the salary the most concerned matter in job selection. On the other hand, there is an increasing number of people considering other conditions to make a decision on job movement. The working environment is highlighted on the requirement of many job seekers, especially for people who adore the freedom and outdoor activities. In fact, they cannot stand on the job which requires 8 hours of sitting in front of the computer every day like a bank officer even though this vacancy is offered the extremely competitive salary in the job market. In addition, contributions to the society are also interesting matters that a lot of people choose. For example, instead of working for a big consulting firm in the city, many friends of mine go to rural areas, assisting and improving the performance of local enterprises. They receive a tiny amount of money, but they are happy with their choices because they help to increase the average income of the local residents. In conclusion, it is certainly true that the salary is important in job selection of many people, but this is by no means the key consideration for everybody in making a career decision.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
plays an integral part in selecting a career/choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. While I accept that this may suite to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ones choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
according to other considerations.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons / various reasons for considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
as the most crucial factor. A high income guarantees a high standard quality of life, in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford their increasing demand on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
human basic needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
luxurious things such as
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
accessories or overseas holidays.
Besides
/
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
as a measure of their working capacity
as well
as their level in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. The higher income they receive, the more valuable they are in their prospective employment;
therefore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the amount of money itself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
made-up reputation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
the most concerned matter in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
selection.

On the other hand
, there is an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considering other conditions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
movement. The working environment
is highlighted
on the requirement of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who adore the freedom and outdoor activities. In fact, they cannot stand on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which requires 8 hours of sitting in front of the computer every day like a bank officer
even though
this vacancy
is offered
the
extremely
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.
In addition
, contributions to the society are
also
interesting matters that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose.
For example
,
instead
of working for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
consulting firm in the city,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends of mine go to rural areas, assisting and improving the performance of local enterprises. They receive a tiny amount of money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are happy with their choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase the average income of the local residents.

In conclusion
, it is
certainly
true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
selection of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is by no means the key consideration for everybody in making a career decision.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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