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Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. v. 4
Humans have diverse mentality which varies person to person. Some people work under same organizations and some alters their jobs often. There is so much furore made on this topic that stable profession is much better than changing work frequently. I completely agree with the statement and this essay will discuss why it is beneficial. First of all, having a stable job means focusing only on the one skill, so the burden on the brain reduces. Nowadays almost every human is in the depression, and having an unstable post may stimulate this. If a person is working under a same company, then he does not have to think about any other things because he/she is already settled. For an example, a study conducted at the University of Alberta shows that a man who is trying to change his work, is more likely to be depressed than others. Secondly, working on the one place can increase the experience about it. Prominent companies like Google, Facebook and Amazon require experienced people and they provide descent salary to them. It means that sticking to one company can get you a promotion, while this cannot be seen in the other type of personality. For example, an employee, who was working under the same organization, became the CEO after 10 years because he had acquired good enough knowledge about marketing. In conclusion, having a steady job, have numerous merits like an anti-stress life, the descent salary, incentive and plenty of experience while altering posts do not have these. This can improve that person`s life and his or her company as well.
Humans have diverse mentality which varies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work under same organizations and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alters their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
Possible spelling mistake found.
furore
made on this topic that stable profession is much better than changing work
frequently
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and this essay will discuss why it is beneficial.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, having a stable job means focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the burden on the brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
. Nowadays almost every human is in the depression, and having an unstable post may stimulate this. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is working under a same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, then he does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about any other things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he/she is already settled. For an example, a study conducted at the University of Alberta
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who is trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his work, is more likely to
be depressed
than others.

Secondly
, working on the one place can increase the experience about it. Prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
like Google, Facebook and Amazon require experienced
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they provide
Did you mean "decent"?
descent
salary to them. It means that sticking to one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
you a promotion, while this cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the other type of personality.
For example
, an employee, who was working under the same organization, became the CEO after 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had acquired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about marketing.

In conclusion
, having a steady job, have numerous merits like an anti-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
life, the descent salary, incentive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of experience while altering posts do not have these. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
that
The character between 'person' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "person’s" (curly apostrophe) or "person's" (straight apostrophe).
person`s
life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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