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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both sides and give your opinion v.4

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. 4
Though it is sometimes thought that people rely more on one another in recent times, some individuals remain convinced that humans have become increasingly autonomous. In my own perspective, the urbanized world has more persons depending on each other. On the one hand, some people think it is nearly impossible for each person to live in isolation. Hence, there is an increasing need to depend on others for certain requirements and I agree. Explicitly, each human being has a necessity that can only be met by someone else. For instance, an individual who wishes to obtain primary education has to attend a school and be taught by education personnel. Although, such entity may decide to home-study, they would still require books written by others. As such, being dependent becomes increasingly rampant. On the other hand, some are of the opinion that a greater number of people in contemporary times do not depend on anyone and can meet their own needs. Since improvement in technology has made it possible to carry out a lot of tasks virtually or through bots, there is a reduction in the level of interdependence among entities. For example, a person who is unable to drive a car can purchase a vehicle that automatically drives itself instead of hiring a driver. Therefore, such individual does not rely on anyone for that particular want. Consequently, with more challenges being solved by artificial technology, people become less dependent on others. Conclusively, although there are diverse opinions on how autonomous individuals have become in the urban age, there exist certain forms of help that technology is still unable to provide. Therefore, I consider that there is a higher level of dependence among personalities currently.
Though it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely more on one another in recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
remain convinced that humans have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
increasingly
autonomous. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, the urbanized world has more persons depending on each other.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
nearly
impossible for each person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in isolation.
Hence
, there is an increasing need to depend on others for certain requirements and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
Explicitly
, each human being has a necessity that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be met
by someone else.
For instance
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
who wishes to obtain primary education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
attend a school and
be taught
by education personnel. Although, such entity may decide to home-study, they would
still
require books written by others. As such, being dependent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
increasingly
rampant.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the opinion that a greater number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in contemporary times do not depend on anyone and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs. Since improvement in technology has made it possible to carry out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tasks
virtually
or through bots, there is a reduction in the level of interdependence among entities.
For example
, a person who is unable to drive a car can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a vehicle that
automatically
drives itself
instead
of hiring a driver.
Therefore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
does not rely on anyone for that particular want.
Consequently
, with more challenges
being solved
by artificial technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
less dependent on others.

Conclusively
, although there are diverse opinions on how autonomous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
in the urban age, there exist certain forms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
that technology is
still
unable to provide.
Therefore
, I consider that there is a higher level of dependence among personalities
currently
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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