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Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? Those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, which idea do you agree with? v.4

Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? Those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, which idea do you agree with? v. 4
Nowadays, deciding to have children and raising them properly is becoming a significant issue. Some parents think that they have an obligation to do something in any of their child’s nurturing steps. This is gradually gaining more attention because sometimes parents decide about every aspect of their children like their leisure time which I am absolutely against any of the parents’ involvement due to many reasons. First, parents’ interference about their children free time is doing to kill the sense of joy and interest in them. They feel that they are having no control over anything in their lives. So, they react impulsively to the other works their mothers or fathers expect them to fulfill. Because, they watch that every action is being forced to them and this will leads to their resist against their parents will consequently. I strongly believe that young people must be set free to decide for themselves. They should be taught to pursue their dreams and joys under their parents’ observation. This prepares them properly for their bright future which they wish to have. Secondly, letting children to choose their interests and manage their own free times is a step toward responsibility. Since, young people make their mistakes unintentionally when they are doing something that they like. If parents dictate every move and decision of their children, they will accept no responsibility for them. They chiefly persuade their parents that it is the choice that they made for them and they should accept its consequences accordingly. However, children tend to do no mistakes in the actions and assignments that they love to perform. In conclusion, parents must give some space for their children to do whatever they desire. This will show them that they can follow their dreams. On the other side, it gives the parents a good chance to ask them about their actions and make them responsible.
Nowadays, deciding to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and raising them
properly
is becoming a significant issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have an obligation to do something in any of their child’s nurturing steps. This is
gradually
gaining more attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
decide about every aspect of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like their leisure time which I am
absolutely
against any of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
involvement due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
interference about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
free time is doing to kill the sense of joy and interest in them. They feel that they are having no control over anything in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they react
impulsively
to the other works their mothers or fathers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
them to fulfill.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
that every action is
being forced
to them and this will leads to their resist against their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
consequently
. I
strongly
believe that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be set
free to decide for themselves. They should
be taught
to pursue their dreams and joys under their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
observation. This prepares them
properly
for their bright future which they wish to have.

Secondly
, letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose their interests and manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
free times is a step toward responsibility. Since, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their mistakes
unintentionally
when they are doing something that they like. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
dictate every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and decision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they will accept no responsibility for them. They
chiefly
persuade their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that it is the choice that they made for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they should accept its consequences
accordingly
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to do no mistakes in the actions and assignments that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to perform.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
space for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do whatever they desire. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them that they can follow their dreams. On the other side, it gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance to ask them about their actions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them responsible.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? Those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, which idea do you agree with? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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