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Some people say that the best way to raise children is to encourage them to be independent thinkers. Others disagree and say that children need to be taught discipline in order to become successful. Using specific examples, discuss these two opinions. Sta v.2

Some people say that the best way to raise children is to encourage them to be independent thinkers. Others disagree and say that children need to be taught discipline in order to become successful. Using specific examples, discuss these two opinions. Sta v. 2
Childhood is one the most important periods of any persons’ life. Humans most significant attitudes and behavioral attributes are shaped in this short but determining time. Some parents believe that children must be treated with discipline and strict rules to be successful in future. However, some others think letting the off springs to have more freedom of choice and independency would benefit them more. In my view, I guess raising the children as independent thinkers can help them more in their future life ahead because of some reasons which I am going to mention here. First, raising the children as independent minds would assist them to decide in crucial moments of their life. When you let your son or daughter to decide about a matter that your family has confronted with, you are showing indirectly that he or she is also an important member of the team and their say worth something. This can consequently benefit them when they face with a problem of their own and parents are not there to decide emplace of them. But, if their parents practice these sorts of situations with them during their childhood, they can easily deal with it and come up with an appropriate solution to solve it. For example, I myself have experienced this kind of condition in many occasions of my life, since my parents forced me to think about the right thing to do in every situation I experienced in my childhood. Generally, I would not saw any reason why they were doing this and found it always annoying. However, now that I grew up, I can clearly understand why my parents were doing that things since now I am using it in my own son. Another main reason about this is because of the creativity it brings with itself normally. When you have to choose for yourself without any body else assist, it may seem akward at first but it pushes you to use your own imagination to come up with a few novel pathways to solve your problem since there is not any person to do it for you. For instance, my friend Jimmy never liked to be present in most of the math classes but our teacher was so clever and remember who cut the classes in the middle. After one or two session he was tired of sitting bored in math class so decided to do something about it. He taped himself in a recorder and gave it to me to play it when our math teacher called his name. So as you can see children can solve their own problems and coorect their mistakes if they may be provided with enough space to act. In sum, raising children in the best way it could happen is one the parents challenging duties. Some of them may use difficult measures for their treatment where some others give the children the time and space to learn and decide for themselves independently. With these reasons I believe any parents can easily know which one of those can coach the children in the long run.
Childhood is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
periods of any persons’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Humans most significant attitudes and behavioral attributes
are shaped
in this short
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
determining time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be treated
with discipline and strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to be successful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
letting the off springs to have more freedom of choice and
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
would benefit them more. In my view, I guess raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as independent thinkers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them more in their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
ahead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which I am going to mention here.

First
, raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as independent minds would assist them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
in crucial moments of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
your son or daughter to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
about a matter that your family has confronted with, you are showing
indirectly
that he or she is
also
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
member of the team and their say worth something. This can
consequently
benefit them when they face with a problem of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not there to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
Possible spelling mistake found.
emplace
of them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
practice these sorts of situations with them during their childhood, they can
easily
deal with it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with an appropriate solution to solve it.
For example
, I myself have experienced this kind of condition in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, since my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
forced me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the right thing to do in every situation I experienced in my childhood.
Generally
, I would not
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
saw
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why they were doing this and found it always annoying.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that I grew up, I can
clearly
understand why my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were doing that things since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I am using it in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
son.

Another main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
about this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the creativity it brings with itself
normally
. When you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose for yourself without
Did you mean "anybody"?
any body
else assist, it may seem
Possible spelling mistake found.
akward
at
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it pushes you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
imagination to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a few novel pathways to solve your problem since there is not any person to do it for you.
For instance
, my friend Jimmy never liked to be present in most of the math classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
our teacher was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
clever and remember who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the classes in the middle. After one or two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'session' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sessions".
session
he
was tired
of sitting bored in math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
decided to do something about it. He taped himself in a recorder and gave it to me to play it when our math teacher called his name.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
as you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can solve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems and
Possible spelling mistake found.
coorect
their mistakes if they may
be provided
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to act.

In sum, raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the best way it could happen is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
challenging duties.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
difficult measures for their treatment where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the time and space to learn and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
for themselves
independently
. With these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
I believe any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
easily
know which one of those can coach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the long run.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to raise children is to encourage them to be independent thinkers. Others disagree and say that children need to be taught discipline in order to become successful. Using specific examples, discuss these two opinions. Sta v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
516 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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