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Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? Those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, which idea do you agree with? v.1

Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? Those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, which idea do you agree with? v. 1
Although raising children was said to be the responsibility of women and working for a living was men’s business, I personally disagree with the statement and supposed that neither men nor woman has to consider childcare as a personal matter. On the one hand, the intent that women should completely concentrate on taking care of children has been faded for some reason. Firstly, it would be better for children if they have the education of father and mother because they have their own ways to educate their children. To be more precious, A survey about the roles of family in raising children showed that the mother often cares about their children’s physical while the father teaches them about behaving ways. Secondly, the wife will become happier if she can share her responsibilities with her pattern. As an example, women have more free time for their favours to gain more qualifications for their career paths. Otherwise, men can have more time to understand their kids and tighten the relationship between them. On the other hand, It would be unfair to say women should work less to care for children. Firstly, there are a large variety of women who are senior managers in the areas of the employee when they pursue their life-work. This change brings more advantages than drawbacks due to the fact that possessing a job can help wives split the heavy burden with their husbands as well as avoid financially dependent on their spouse. Secondly, women contribute to the national budget. In other words, the more jobs they do, the more incoming taxes they pay for the government which means the states can allocate the national budget that obtained from this type of tax for other issues such as education, health care, and infrastructure. To conclude, It is essential that men and women share responsibility with each other because both genders have the same ability to raise children. Otherwise, women are allowed to pursue a career and work for a living.
Although raising
children
was said
to be the responsibility of
women
and working for a living was
men’s
business, I
personally
disagree with the statement and supposed that neither
men
nor woman
has to
consider childcare as a personal matter.

On the one hand, the intent that
women
should completely concentrate on taking
care
of
children
has
been faded
for
some
reason.
Firstly
, it would be better for
children
if they have the education of father and mother
because
they have their
own
ways to educate their
children
. To be more precious, A survey about the roles of family in raising
children
showed
that the mother
often
cares
about their
children’s
physical while the father teaches them about behaving ways.
Secondly
, the wife will become happier if she can share her responsibilities with her pattern. As an example,
women
have more free time for their
favours
to gain more qualifications for their career paths.
Otherwise
,
men
can have more time to understand their kids and tighten the relationship between them.

On the
other
hand, It would be unfair to say
women
should work less to
care
for
children
.
Firstly
, there are a large variety of
women
who are senior managers in the areas of the employee when they pursue their life-work. This
change
brings more advantages than drawbacks due to the fact that possessing a job can
help
wives split the heavy burden with their husbands
as well
as avoid
financially
dependent on their spouse.
Secondly
,
women
contribute to the national budget. In
other
words, the more jobs they do, the more incoming taxes they pay for the
government
which means the states can allocate the national budget that obtained from this type of tax for
other
issues such as education, health
care
, and infrastructure.

To conclude
, It is essential that
men
and
women
share responsibility with each
other
because
both genders have the same ability to raise
children
.
Otherwise
,
women
are
allowed
to pursue a career and work for a living.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? Those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, which idea do you agree with? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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