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Some people think that parents should plan their children's leisure time carefully. Other people believe children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time. Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice. v.2

Some people think that parents should plan their children's leisure time carefully. Other people believe children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time. Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice. v. 2
It is irrefutable that technology is a part and parcel of modern life. It is often said schools should teach children through visual means instead of books as they are more interesting and engaging. I entirely agree with the aforesaid statement. In this essay, I shall discuss the reasons to support my opinion with suitable examples. There are numerous advantages of teaching through multimedia such TV, Computers and movies. To begin with, learning through above mentioned means has long impact on the mind, and thus stores for a long period. This is because kids pay more attention to these equipments instead of books which they seems quite boring. For instance, a nursery pupil easily learns tables and poems when they watch these on electronic equipments. As a result, the child gets more involved in his studies with full enthusiasm. Furthermore, studying through latest means aid students to improve their pronunciation and vocabulary. To illustrate, a small kid who is habitual to watch television, especially national geographic channel has a strong vocabulary than who does not. Consequently, it helps to improve his personality and sharpen his mind. Moreover, multimedia could also play pivotal role in disseminating knowledge to remote areas where there is lack of schools and teachers. Additionally, traditional method of bringing books to school puts pressure on the soft shoulders of students, thus with the support of advance method of learning equipments such as projectors, desktops would alleviate this pressure and improve their physical growth. To conclude, I reiterate my opinion that schools need to replaced books with advanced means of learning to make the study more practical.
It is irrefutable that technology is a part and parcel of modern life. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should teach children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as they are more interesting and engaging. I
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the aforesaid statement. In this essay, I shall discuss the reasons to support my opinion with suitable examples.

There are numerous advantages of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
multimedia such TV, Computers and movies. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
has long impact on the mind, and
thus
stores for a long period. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
kids pay more attention to these equipments
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "seem"
seems
quite boring.
For instance
, a nursery pupil
easily
learns tables and poems when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these on electronic equipments.
As a result
, the child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more involved in his studies with full enthusiasm.
Furthermore
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
aid students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their pronunciation and vocabulary. To illustrate, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
kid who is habitual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television,
especially
national geographic channel has a strong vocabulary than who does not.
Consequently
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his personality and sharpen his mind.

Moreover
, multimedia could
also
play pivotal role in disseminating knowledge to remote areas where there is lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and teachers.
Additionally
, traditional method of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
puts pressure on the soft shoulders of students,
thus
with the support of advance method of learning equipments such as projectors, desktops would alleviate this pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical growth.

To conclude
, I reiterate my opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
need to replaced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
with advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of learning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the study more practical.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should plan their children's leisure time carefully. Other people believe children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time. Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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