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After they complete their university studies, some students live in their home towns, others live in different towns or cities. Which do you think is better living in your hometown or living in different towns or cities? v.2

After they complete their university studies, some students live in their home towns, others live in different towns or cities. Which do you think is better living in your hometown or living in different towns or cities? v. 2
There are different time periods in any person’s life which he should make some crucial decisions in each of them. Generally, university studies and a young adult’s decision after that is so much important. Some people tend to stay in their hometown and continue their life in the same place. However, some others like to experience a new adventure in a new environment. There are some reasons that make me believe a new experience can help you in your future life totally. First, anybody must seek for an occupation after graduation. Mainly, most of young people return to their hometown after their university studying. But, recently by cities and states development and infrastructure’s enhancement, young people try to seize the best opportunities they find anywhere even if it was somewhere far from their hometown. Since, a good job with decent salary is beginning of anybody’s future which you will thrive only if it was built correctly and strongly. Secondly, young people who live with their parents like to have much more independency after a certain age. This encourages them to leave their hometown mostly after finishing high school or their academic studying. Living in another city may help you find your path in this world and experience adulthood life in a whole new condition. Even some parents force their children to live their hometown themselves to show them that they should accept a number of responsibilities when they become older. Also, finding your future in a fresh place can be productive in so many other cases. For example, you can meet many new people with different behaviors and cultures in new cities other than your own hometown. Surprisingly, it may lead to finding a nice person who you may have feelings for him or her whom you never meet if you stayed in your own city. So, it can change your love life too. In conclusion, people make variety of decisions during their life. Some of these have major effect in your future like leaving your hometown or staying there after your graduation. I think meeting new places during life can be life changing if any person chooses it wisely.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
time periods in any person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which he should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial decisions in each of them.
Generally
, university studies and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult’s decision after
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to stay in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
and continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the same place.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others like to experience a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
adventure in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me believe a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
totally
.

First
, anybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
seek for an occupation after graduation.
Mainly
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
return to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
after their university studying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, recently by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and states development and infrastructure’s enhancement,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to seize the best opportunities they find anywhere even if it was somewhere far from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
. Since, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job with decent salary is beginning of anybody’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
which you will thrive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if it
was built
correctly
and
strongly
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their parents like to have much more
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
after a certain age. This encourages them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
mostly
after finishing high school or their academic studying. Living in another city may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you find your path in this world and experience adulthood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in a whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
condition. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents force their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them that they should accept a number of responsibilities when they become older.

Also
, finding your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
in a fresh place can be productive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other cases.
For example
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
behaviors and cultures in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
other than your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
.
Surprisingly
, it may lead to finding a nice person who you may have feelings for him or her whom you never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
if you stayed in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
city.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
too.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
variety of decisions during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these have major effect in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
like leaving your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
or staying there after your graduation. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
changing if any person chooses it
wisely
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay After they complete their university studies, some students live in their home towns, others live in different towns or cities. Which do you think is better living in your hometown or living in different towns or cities? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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