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The prompt: 1. Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice. v.2

The prompt: 1. Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice. v. 2
Most part of people that called themselves as parents, like mother and father, have the habit of to be super protectors with their offspring. And, although some communities think that this is a good idea, allow children to discovery the world by their own seems to be a greatest option. I believe that is better offer to the sons the power of choice than make the decisions for them, because this could improve their health, learning and family rapport in later times. First of all, some research, around the world, states that children that have power to decide how to use their free time have more release of serotonin on their body, which reflects on rising up of happiness and consequently improvements on their health. About 15 years ago, I was in my mom’s house, passing part of my vacation, and my mother told me a history about the children of hers neighbor, the child, Adan appear to be a sad person, he did not have friends and their parents almost never let him play with others at the same age, as a result Adan got sick, my mom said that the doctor suggested to the family to let him choose the ways of he would like to spend their free time, to increase his happy hormones rates. Today, Adan is a great person, due to the few changes made in the past. Secondly, is perceivable, by teachers, that young students that devise or create their own way of leisure time can be more focus, on the teach lessons, than others, which could be seen in their high school scores. When I was in the primary school, I invented a game that I called push and hook, it was a word game, I spoke one kind of word, like an animal name, and another person said a word related to that. I and my friend played this in another language, like Portuguese, so, therefore we could learn a lot of new words and exercise our mind, as my teacher said. In addition, we got the best scores on this year within the entire college. Finally, is reported by scientific studies that child and young adult that have freedom to choose the finest way or time that they will take their enjoyable time create solid bounds (ties) with parents. As a result, they could build amazing relationships with their loved ones. Around 5 years ago, I was about to attend the high school classes, I remember that I was so stressed because my father wanted that I participate on a religion group in my free time, as a way to relax. However, I thought that this was a waste of my rest time. I strongly talked with my parents to give me the option to make whatever I wanted with my free time. Thus, one day, after a lot of struggles, I get the power of choice. I started a ballet class and my days after this became rich with happiness. Moreover, I recovery my family amazing rapport. In view of these facts, I strongly believe that children should set up their forms of delight. As the gods gave us the power of choice, just let them make theirs.
Most part of
people
that called themselves as
parents
, like mother and father, have the habit of to be super protectors with their offspring. And, although
some
communities
think
that this is a
good
idea
,
allow
children
to discovery the world by their
own
seems to be
a
greatest option. I believe
that is
better offer to the sons the
power
of choice than
make
the decisions for them,
because
this could
improve
their health, learning and family rapport in later times.

First of all
,
some
research, around the world, states that
children
that have
power
to decide how to
use
their
free
time
have more release of serotonin on their body, which reflects on rising up of happiness and
consequently
improvements on their health. About 15 years ago, I was in my mom’s
house
, passing part of my vacation, and my mother
told
me a history about the
children
of hers neighbor, the child, Adan appear to be a sad person, he did not have friends and their
parents
almost never
let
him play with others at the same age,
as a result
Adan
got
sick, my mom said that the doctor suggested to the family to
let
him choose the ways of he would like to spend their
free
time
, to increase his happy hormones rates.
Today
, Adan is a great person, due to the few
changes
made in the past.

Secondly
, is perceivable, by teachers, that young students that devise or create their
own
way of leisure
time
can be more focus, on
the teach
lessons, than others, which could be
seen
in their high school scores. When I was in the primary school, I invented a game that I called push and hook, it was a
word
game, I spoke one kind of
word
, like an animal name, and another person said a
word
related to that. I and my friend played this in another language, like Portuguese,
so
,
therefore
we could learn
a lot of
new words and exercise our mind, as my teacher said.
In addition
, we
got
the best scores on this year within the entire college.

Finally
,
is reported
by scientific studies that child and young adult that have freedom to choose the finest way or
time
that they will take their enjoyable
time
create solid bounds (ties) with
parents
.
As a result
, they could build amazing relationships with their
loved
ones. Around 5 years ago, I was about to attend the high school classes, I remember that I was
so
stressed
because
my father
wanted that I
participate on a religion group in my
free
time
, as a way to relax.
However
, I
thought
that this was a waste of my rest
time
. I
strongly
talked with my
parents
to give me the option to
make
whatever I wanted with my
free
time
.
Thus
, one day, after
a lot of
struggles, I
get
the
power
of choice. I
started
a ballet
class
and my days after this became rich with happiness.
Moreover
,
I recovery
my family amazing rapport.

In view of these facts, I
strongly
believe that
children
should set up their forms of delight. As the gods gave us the
power
of choice,
just
let
them
make
theirs.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay The prompt: 1. Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
538 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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