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The prompt: 1. Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice. v.2

The prompt: 1. Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice. v. 2
Most part of people that called themselves as parents, like mother and father, have the habit of to be super protectors with their offspring. And, although some communities think that this is a good idea, allow children to discovery the world by their own seems to be a greatest option. I believe that is better offer to the sons the power of choice than make the decisions for them, because this could improve their health, learning and family rapport in later times. First of all, some research, around the world, states that children that have power to decide how to use their free time have more release of serotonin on their body, which reflects on rising up of happiness and consequently improvements on their health. About 15 years ago, I was in my mom’s house, passing part of my vacation, and my mother told me a history about the children of hers neighbor, the child, Adan appear to be a sad person, he did not have friends and their parents almost never let him play with others at the same age, as a result Adan got sick, my mom said that the doctor suggested to the family to let him choose the ways of he would like to spend their free time, to increase his happy hormones rates. Today, Adan is a great person, due to the few changes made in the past. Secondly, is perceivable, by teachers, that young students that devise or create their own way of leisure time can be more focus, on the teach lessons, than others, which could be seen in their high school scores. When I was in the primary school, I invented a game that I called push and hook, it was a word game, I spoke one kind of word, like an animal name, and another person said a word related to that. I and my friend played this in another language, like Portuguese, so, therefore we could learn a lot of new words and exercise our mind, as my teacher said. In addition, we got the best scores on this year within the entire college. Finally, is reported by scientific studies that child and young adult that have freedom to choose the finest way or time that they will take their enjoyable time create solid bounds (ties) with parents. As a result, they could build amazing relationships with their loved ones. Around 5 years ago, I was about to attend the high school classes, I remember that I was so stressed because my father wanted that I participate on a religion group in my free time, as a way to relax. However, I thought that this was a waste of my rest time. I strongly talked with my parents to give me the option to make whatever I wanted with my free time. Thus, one day, after a lot of struggles, I get the power of choice. I started a ballet class and my days after this became rich with happiness. Moreover, I recovery my family amazing rapport. In view of these facts, I strongly believe that children should set up their forms of delight. As the gods gave us the power of choice, just let them make theirs.
Most part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that called themselves as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, like mother and father, have the habit of to be super protectors with their offspring. And, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to discovery the world by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
seems to be
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
greatest option. I believe
that is
better offer to the sons the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
of choice than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the decisions for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health, learning and family rapport in later times.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research, around the world, states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
to decide how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
have more release of serotonin on their body, which reflects on rising up of happiness and
consequently
improvements on their health. About 15 years ago, I was in my mom’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, passing part of my vacation, and my mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me a history about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of hers neighbor, the child, Adan appear to be a sad person, he did not have friends and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
almost never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him play with others at the same age,
as a result
Adan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
sick, my mom said that the doctor suggested to the family to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him choose the ways of he would like to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, to increase his happy hormones rates.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, Adan is a great person, due to the few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
made in the past.

Secondly
, is perceivable, by teachers, that young students that devise or create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can be more focus, on
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'teach' is correct. If 'teach' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the teach
lessons, than others, which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in their high school scores. When I was in the primary school, I invented a game that I called push and hook, it was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
word
game, I spoke one kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
word
, like an animal name, and another person said a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
word
related to that. I and my friend played this in another language, like Portuguese,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
therefore
we could learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new words and exercise our mind, as my teacher said.
In addition
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the best scores on this year within the entire college.

Finally
,
is reported
by scientific studies that child and young adult that have freedom to choose the finest way or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that they will take their enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
create solid bounds (ties) with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
As a result
, they could build amazing relationships with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. Around 5 years ago, I was about to attend the high school classes, I remember that I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my father
Did you mean "wanted me to"?
wanted that I
participate on a religion group in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, as a way to relax.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that this was a waste of my rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
strongly
talked with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to give me the option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
whatever I wanted with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Thus
, one day, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
struggles, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
of choice. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a ballet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and my days after this became rich with happiness.
Moreover
,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I recovery
my family amazing rapport.

In view of these facts, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should set up their forms of delight. As the gods gave us the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
of choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
theirs.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The prompt: 1. Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe? those children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time, Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
538 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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